If You Look At Me
by marget20
Summary: The story begins when Ste decides to leave Hollyoaks with Noah. My version of how things have been since then. Rating M - because some scenes in this story might have strong sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

*** I've called this story _If You Look At Me_ because that's an english title of my favourite song of Alejandro Sanz. This song matches pretty well to describe the kind of relationship between Brendan and Ste that I want to develop in this story. The start of it is when Ste is supposed to leave Hollyoaks with Noah and Brendan invites them to have a drink together in the club. What happens when Ste comes to the office? Have a nice time **

**Chapter 1**

**Ste POV**

I walk into the office and … I dont know what is exactly what I expect. First I put my neck and head into the room saying -Bren? In the offfice is quite dark. Then I come in cause nobody answers. I am surprised and angry at myself to come here, to play his rules as always.

–Brendan! – I say again more furiously than ever for being so stupid, so naïve. But suddenly I hear the sound of key in the keyhole, I turn around and there he is… Casual clothes, black clothes, black hair and most amazing look I ve ever seen. He stares at me for awhile and that is enough to make me feel a bit uncomfortable in my own skin.

**Bren POV**

- Hello Stephen, nice to see you, especially in that light – I said. He looked surprised and… I don't know …maybe a little awkard. I didn't know why, He knew I wanted him to come into the office to chat. So I tried to make it easier for him. – It has been a long time we two were here together alone, don't you think? Too long, I'd say. – It's too dark so I couldn't see his face properly but I knew he felt the same I did, he must have felt the same, he… must have felt the same cause … He is mine.

**Ste POV**

I start to play with my sleeves, I always do that when I feel uncomfortable or scared or … excited and I don't know how to react or what to do. Well what I do know is that I can't be weak now. Not after so long time without my vice, not after what he has done to me and… what I ve done to him, we ve done to each other. Its pointless to carry on with that. – What do you want? – I ask.

**Bren POV**

-Funny… A time ago you came into this office and I asked you the same thing. Remember what did you answered? He remembered. I know he did. So I came closer to him, closer, I touched his cheek gently and said – Same thing as you…Stephen.

**Ste POV**

I remove his fingers from my face quickly enough to not feel the warm of his body and firmly say - Be with Noah, leave with him to Newcastle, have a fresh start and a normal life in a proper relationship? Really? Didn't know you were that cheesy… I am sure of what I am saying and of what I am feeling of what I want to do with my future, I AM SURE! I AM.

**Bren POV**

- You know Stephen, all this could be so much easier without this crap.- I couldn't help myself. –I ain't here to chat about meaningless things such as your future, your plans, your gym bunny or whatever…You really think I am still interested in this, in you? -I did my best not to let him think that he means anything to me cause … he doesn't. He never did... Full stop.

-Then? You wanted to talk, right? - he asked me and I needed to prove to him and to me that I am over him, over us…

- I didn't want you to leave with this bad impression of mine you have. You know Stephen, I am not as bad as you reckon. - I opened the bottle of whiskey and poured into two glasses, one for me and the second one for him. Although he's rejected at the beginning, in awhile he is drinking with me gladly and relaxed.

-Funny… that seems to be familiar, too… I smiled looking into his eyes with my glass in the left hand. Meanwhile my right hand caressesed his cheek. This time he didn't reject my touch.

**Ste POV**

Suddenly I realize what he is doing. What the hell I am doing here with him drinking his whiskey and letting him seduce me one more time. Can't be so stupid, can I? I stand up as fast as possible and I literally run out of his office. In the club are so many people that I can't see where Noah is. So I ask for him a few friends, they don't know and that is strange. Noah is not like that. He wouldn't go without me just like that. I decide to go out to find him and come back home maybe.

**Bren POV**

I was in the office, alone, sorry, with a glass of whiskey in my hand. I drunk it and poured myself once again so that I could think clearly, think what to do next… After fourth glass of Jameson I have had a vision… a plan has just made itself in my head. Phone, where the fuck is my phone?

**Ste POV**

I can't find Noah anywhere so I come back home hoping that he will be back soon, too. Maybe he saw me entering into the office, maybe he thought that I don't want him anymore… I owe him an explanation then. I'll wait for him and I'll take care that nothing, nobody is gonna change our plans. Ring bell? At this time? Who can be? Noah? No, he has his own keys, right? But maybe something happened and he lost them.

**Bren POV**

- Hi, again… Hahhh Don't want to be impertinent, but we havent finish, have we? – I am a little bit drunk, I thought. Otherwise I would never ever be there cause I don't… is that I aint… he means nothing to me. But I am the one who has the control not he and he aint gonna determine how this is gonna finish, if is gonna finish. Hmm

-You aint invite me inside Stephen? You should brush up on your manners Stevie boy.

-I thought I made myself perfectly clear when I told you about my plans. – he said. Like if I'd cared..

-And I made myself clear when I told you I don't care anymore, right?

-Yeah like if you'd ever cared!

-Point! I never cared so I don't care! Simple as that?

-Get out of my house! I don't want to see you never again in my life! I hate you!

-Calm down Stephen…

-No! I aint calm down, I am not gonna do what you told me anymore!

-Just calm down and lets talk over it okay? – I am trying to touch his neck and cheek but he doesn't let me, he pushes my hand away.

-We don't need to talk over anything, simply cause you and me don't exist, we , Brendan, don't have any problems to sort out cause we have nothing. We are nothing, not even mates.

-Look Stephen, you re angry and I get that. You need space to think okay? That's fine, but things will sort out you know…

-Haah What are you talking about? What? Tomorrow I leave Hollyoaks for good, Brendan.

-No..

-Yes, I do.

-No, no, no, no…. Hmm – I am nodding my head.- You are not going anywhere, you are staying here..

-No..

-Shut up! You are staying here cause… you… your place is here with your kids, you re a father…

-NO! Stop! – he moved to the doors shownig me my way to go

-Come back here Stephen! I didn't finish with you so come back here.

-Okay, you don't want to get out of my house then I will do it or this I cant do either? – he put his hoodie on his back.

-I said come back here! Stephen! – I ran after him trying to stop him but that aint so easy after five glasses of whiskey.

Ste POV

What for he comes to my house? I need to find Noah, talk to him. And that aint so easy when you have Mr Brady after your back. Where he can be?

-Stephen wait…please… I cant anymore. I need to stop for awhile, please.

-You know what you are? – I stop for a minute and he can hardly take his breathe and look at me.

-You are one of the biggest mistakes in my life, the biggest one!

- Well, what can I say I am always in the first place, I am always …on top. – he looks straight into my eyes.

-If being in the first place of hatred ranking makes you happy, I don't mind.

-The thing is, Stephen, that I am the first one in any other rankings, too. That's quite problematic matter, don't you think?

-The thing is, Brendan, that one of these all rankings is out of your system. You are not nominated in this category and you never will. – I say to him and turn back to walk away and find Noah.

**Bren POV**

-What is one fail against so many triumphs and victories?

-We re done. I don't have anything else to tell you.

-Ohh you're not the one who decides… Steph…. Stephen! Ok. Good.

He walked away to find his gym bunny, I quess.

**Ste POV**

-That's imposssible, tell me its not what I see, please Noah… You are not…

-Ste, I… Don't think bad about me, Ste.

-Yeahh Stephen, don't think bad about him. They ve just had a small relaxtion massage in the hot tub. – I turn around and I see Brendan with his victory smile and sarcastic voice having a great fun of me. That is the last thing I can stand. I hate him! I hate Noah! I hate...both of them. I can't be here anymore. I need to ran away as far as possible from them.

- Well Stephen, I suppose I'll go now…Hmmm…Just look – he looks up to the stars - What a lovely night.- then he turns back to me saying - See you tomorrow at work ! –and walks away.

-Ste I think we need to talk. – I hear Noah's voice.

**Bren POV**

What a wonderful end of the day. Hmmm…I couldn't help to smile to the mirror. And tomorrow will be a wonderful beginning of the day. Isn't wonderful the world? Okay. SLEEP.


	2. Chapter 2

_***This is a small piece of the song of Alejandro Sanz "Si tu me miras". I thought it suited to this particular chapter **_

"_La locura de quererte  
>como a un fugitivo;<br>me ha llevado a la distancia  
>donde me he escondido."<em>

_(This crazinest of wanting you led me far away _ _To the place where I hid like a fugitive)_

**Bren POV**

The day has come:)

**Ste POV**

He's gone. He went to Newcastle without me. Not because I wanted that. I tried to understand him. This guy in Cinergy was hot and Noah was a bit terrified of living as a proper couple, much like as a marriage from now and on. He said, it ment to be the last crazy thing he'd done without me, something for fun. At the beginning I couldn't listen to him but then I remembered myself how close I was with Brendan last night… So I told him to stay a bit more and give us a time, a week maybe to resolve it. Well, we talked…then he walked out…What can I say…The job in Newcastle happened to be more important to him. Nothing new, actually… RING,RING it's a'clock… I have work, too.

**Bren POV**

-Where is Rhys, Cheryl?

-Who? Oh Rhys… don't know actually. He was ment to make some shops. Brendan, we are out of glasses after last night, thanks to you . – Chez pointed me with her finger in gesture of accusation

-I need to find him, sorry Chez. – and I walked out of the club ASAP

-But we re supposed to … Brendan!

**Ste POV**

At least I didn't have to see Mr Fucked Nr 2 today at work. Hahaha…Wonder what he would said knowing he's numer 2 on my list? Correctly he should be Nr 1 but I wont give him that pleasure… Uhhh…Could I not to think about him instead? If I'm not thinking about Brendan, I'm thinking about Noah, though. Which option to choose? Hard question.

-What are you thinking about so much? – Amy as always knew my moods perfectly.

-I'm not.

-What a liar ?

-I'm not a … Look I need to go. – I said and I walked out.

-Where? It's night and late…Ste…Stee!

I walked away before she could stop me. She's wonderful, but then I needed someone else. I needed something different.

**Bren POV**

-You are the most horrible brother ever, Brendan!

-What? Why? Why me? – I honestly couldn't understand why she got so moody about.

-I had to manage with all this last night's mess by myself. You owe me Brendan!

-Chez… I'm sorry, but I had to sort something

-Uhmmm…

-Something important…to me

-Always you, your things…The club is yours and mine, not only mine Brendan!

-Sorry. I'll make it up to you.

-I want to go to the shops tomorrow for the whole day with a few mates. Your credit card. – she pulled her hand to me

-What ? …oh …Okay – I say after a minute of hesitation and give her my credit card.

-Don't expect me in the club tomorrrow, brother. Have a nice day at work. I'm going to sleep. Good night, Brendan!

-Good night Chez.

**Ste POV**

FUN. That what I needed.

-You aint gonna dance anymore? – he asked me

-Me? Eeeeh…. Of course I will…Come on! – I took his hand and led him on the dancefloor.

Music was so loud I could barely hear my own things!…Hey that was great!…I didn't hear them! Wow! That was amzing!Fantastic! …Okay I was a bit drunk…

- More drinks?

-I think I have enough – I smiled to him cause I felt really great, happy.

-Well, I'll, though. Don't mind to get my crap back to mine? – he laughed and I laughed, too.

-What a night! I should do it more often!

-Hey, anytime…- he winked at me and I couldn't help myself of not laughing even more. He laughed with me and that felt amazing.

-Never laughed so much in my life – I admitted

-You should do it more often, then. You have adorable smile….- I commenced to feel akward, didn't know why. My sleezes…I couldn't look at him like I did before. I blushed a bit.

-Did you know that if the smile is true, eyes need to smile, too? – he continued and grabbed my hand on the table, he moved his hand on my hand's skin softly, deliberetely slowly and I caught myself that I liked his touch. I looked at him…. his eyes.. they were cold and blue…but his look was hot.

-Didn't know. – I said simply – Then my smile is true? – I asked him looking in his eyes.

-Yes – he said and he is moved closer, too close to talk more….


	3. Chapter 3

"Palabras de un lenguaje nuevo  
>que he construido para nosotros<br>para el amante perseguido  
>que tiene que esconder su voz."<p>

(The words of new language

That I made up for us

For the persecuted lover

Who has to keep silence)

**THE NEXT DAY AT CHEZ CHEZ…**

**Bren POV**

- You're late.

- Sorry, I had to take kids to nursery cause Amy went earlier to work today – he said

- Hmmm. That's okay then. Kids come first, right?

- Sure, thanks – he wasn't looking at me at all. He put his hands into his pockets and emptied them, one by one.

- What are you looking for so much?

- Nothing…I' ve forgot my phone.

- Well, I think it isn't necesarry to go on with your duties, is it? – I said seeing his worried face. – Come on, let's work!

- Okay… - he answered uneasy

**Ste POV**

Where could I leave it? There is only one place. But I am not going to come back over there for nothing in the world. I can buy myself a new phone. Its not the end of the world. I should know that.

**Bren POV**

- Hey Amy! How are you? – I came in without being invited.

- Why are you here? – Amy reluctantly opened the door.

- Don't worry. Just making a favour to Stephen. He forgot his phone, I was near so I thought you should be already at home and I could bring it to him.

- Just like that?

- Yeahh. – I put the widest smile on my face.

- Don't believe you…

- I don't care Amy..So where is the phone? – I asked quickly bored with this conversation already.

- You're such a liar Brendan. Ste has lost his phone last night. Ohh you're surprised? Being uncovered? Sorry for ruining your faboulous plans, whatever they were. Now, get out.

- Hm… Bye…

**Ste POV**

The evening was crazy. We didn't have so many customers in Chez Chez long time ago. But that's okay. I think I start to like it – loud music, not the other things. That won't happen again. That was wrong…

- Two beers!

- Ok! Here you are!

- Stephen, make me a drink! – this time it's Brendan. So I pour him half of glass of Jameson and move the glass forward and he takes advantage of it and touch my hand playfully with his fingers and our eyes meet for a second or more.

- Nice to know you didn't forget about that. – he points at the glass. How could I? I try to avoid his look cause I know he looks at me now.

- No idea what do you mean… - who am I trying to fool?

- Don't you? – he lows his voice intimately

- No, I don't – I say firmly, though.

**Bren POV**

I am walking around in club, greeting people and drinking the same glass of whiskey he poured me three hours ago. It tastes different than usually, better, its taste is more intense, I feel it in my mouth longer and can't wait for another glump. I am watching him and he knows it cause he didn't look at me not once yet. He always do that when he's nervous about something and he is… He can't help himself, he is drawn to me like a fly. He knows it and he is angry about it… What can I do? I'm irresistible, aren't I?:) Can't do nothing about it… Hmm…

**Ste POV**

Maybe I should go to him? Maybe it's nothing incorrect, you know, just for a minute and ask him – Hey mate!Haven't you found my phone somewhere, most probably near your bed? – Ohhh… first of all, he's not my mate… cause we don't know each other too long, so to speak…but on the other hand we know each other too well already…I look at the crowd at Chez Chez .When they all will go home finally? I have things to do.

**Bren POV**

-Rhys, you can go!

-Thanks boss!

-Get lost before I change my mind.

**Ste POV**

Finally. The end of the long night and even longer day. I'm so tired I can hardly stand on my feet. Five crates more and I am leaving.

- Stephen hurry up or I'll lock you in the club! – Brendan hurries me up

- I'm in a cellar, just a second! –a few moments later I'm upstairs – Coming! – Brendan stands back to me, but hearing me he turns around. On the table next to him are two plates and I can hear a low music in the air. I have my jacket in my hand and I put it on my back with my mouth opened. I must have a question in my eyes…

- Have you finished? –he asks

- Ye..s, yes I have – I respond zipping my jacket up, but he walks over to me and unzips it again.

- So you deserved your award – he undress me from my jacket – Sit down. – I'm starring at the table and then around the club. I don't get it what is happening? Meanwhile Brendan is sitting in front of me, he starts to eat immiediately. Well, some things never change, right?:)


	4. Chapter 4

**Bren POV**

- You are not planning to eat? – I ask him seeing he just stares at me with curiosity.

- What for? – he says with halfsmile – You are doing just fine. You always have an appetite.

- Yes, I do. – I look at him significantly while I am wiping my my mouth. He is watching me for a moment and…

- You finished? Good. – he stands up and grabs his jacket. I stay in my seat. I count: 1,2, 3, 4, 5… He's back. Magic trick.

- You re back? I am quessing that you didn't have heart to leave me with all this mess, am I right?

- You locked the door.

- Forgot.

- Just give me the keys – he pulls his hand forward while I am grabbing the plates.

- I can't.

- Why?

- I've left them in the office.

- Then go and…

- I can't.

- Wha..? Okay, don't bother, I'll go. – and he goes.

Five minutes later I see him again in front of me. He's more relaxed I'd say…

- They ain't there.

- Ohh.

- Ohh…- he imitates me.

-Hh..

- So…?

- So what, Stephen? – I put the plates into the dishwasher.

- You want to play untill dawn or what?

- Boring. I don't like games. Games include fails and I don't fail.

- Then what is that?

- Date? – I say immidiately and move forward to be closer to him. –Is that okay?

- No, it's not. – he says confused.

- It's not okay?

- It's not a date. – he says firmly- You just locked me inside and ate everything you had.

- Details. – I sigh.

- Anyway, I want to go home, I'm tired.

- Yeahh, you look tired…- I touch his neck and cheek and he turns his head a bit but not enouhg to get rid of my hand

- I'll go to look for them, okay? – I say

**Ste POV**

- Do you have them? – I entered into the office ater ten minutes of waiting for him

- They are here. – He sits on his chair with his legs on the desk drinking whiskey

- I was waiting for you. – I say in accusation.

- You are always waiting for me, Stephen.

I don't say anything, what for? I just walk to the desk to take the keys but he grabs my wrists so fast and so strong I can't move.

- You'll be back. I know you will.

- No…

- No? – he is so close to me, to my mouth, my chest, I feel his breathe and…suddenly I make a move to be closer to him. I slightly open my mouth and kiss him slowly. I like to have his lips against mine. I close my eyes and let him to be the one on control. He stands up from his chair, he wraps me. I feel comfortable, resting in his arms feels so nice. His left hand moves up from my hips and he grabs my neck. He kisses me gently, but firmly. We exchange the spit, he dives in my mouth deep my throat with his tongue. I don't respond him the same way, my tongue is civil. I don't know what happens to me. Normally I'd be anxious… Meanwhile he pulls away and I lick my lips involuntary, he takes off his jacket and throws it on the floor. I am watching him leaning on the desk, as always vulnerable when I'm with him. I'm starting to take off my shirt, he is undoing his belt. I take off my trousers, he is already on the couch…

- Come here. – he pulls his hand forward and I grab it cause what else could I do? I sit next to him, we share a kiss, then another one, and another… He kisses my neck like I like, he pulls me closer to his body like I like, he touches my nipples just like I like best. He knows my body so well…And then I'm his, again.

**Bren POV**

Couldn't wait any longer. I needed him…this. I needed this. It felt so wonderful… good. It felt okay. Wouldn't mind to repeat the performance soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**THE NEXT MORNING AT STE'S …**

**Ste POV**

- So are you gonna tell me where you were two last nights or not Ste? – Amy asks poiting me with her finger

- Nowhere… - I see her dissapointed face – just don't ask, please.

- Okay, but promise me you haven't done anything wrong or illegal. – she looks a bit worried.

- Promise… that's in the past. Let's eat the breakfast. Lucas! Leah!

**Bren POV**

- Hey Rhys! Have you seen Cheryl? – I entered to the club furious, angry, willing to kill her!

- She's in the office. – Rhys anwered shortly awaring of my mind's state

In the office.

- What happened to my credit card Chez?

- What? – she was looking herself in the mirror and there were clothes and hats and shoes all over the office

- My credit card… Its useless!

- Oh that… - she still looked at her reflection - I was surprised as well as you when I wanted to pay for a marvellous red dress…

I looked significantly at the packages, next to her face…

- Oh. – I smirked. – Ahhh – I think I felt the pain in my chest. I quess i'ts must be heart din.

- Nice…hat… Cheryl, are we… fine…now?

- Of course, we are. – she smiled at me.

- Good. I'll go for a walk. I need some fresh air.

- Sure, Brendan. Go and relax. I'll be here. – she said. I love her, I really do. Just not now.

**Ste POV**

- Can you help me with the crates, Ste? – Rhys looked really knackered.

- Sure. Have you seen Cheryl?

- Wow! Everybody needs Cheryl today?

- Why?

- Brendan asked me for her in the morning.

- Have you seen her?

- She's out now. You're not as lucky as Brendan, obviously.

- Rhys I need a favour. I need to go out for an hour…

- What ?

- Please, cover me up. Okay? Thanks. – I left before he could stop me.

**Bren POV**

- Have you have everything prepeared for the evening, Rhys?

- Yes.

- Sure, we are not out of any alcohol?

- No, we're just fine, boss.

- Hmm…- I turned – Where is Stephen?- I asked

- … - He said nothing so I walked to my office.

**Ste POV**

What should I say? How should I act? Oh my God… help me. Shame on me! But I've got a lesson! Never again!Never!

It's here. Okay, just take it easy. He should be as embaressed as you are so just…KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.. I knocked the door.

- Its you…? – he remembers me. Its okay then. He lets me to come inside and we go to the … bedroom. I'm all red.

- Yes, I m sorry to bother you…but I quess I've left my phone in your place. Maybe you've seen it?

- Hmm… it looked similar to this one? – he opens the drawer and put out my phone.

- Yeah, thank you – I smile apologeticly and I try to get out…

- Maybe you could stay for awhile? Tea? – he was really nice.

- Can't, I ve left my work to come here and I need to be there ASAP! Bye! – I answer rude and I feel a bit silly.

- It's evening.. – he doesn't understand.

- I work at the night club and…sorry I have to go!

I run fast to the club. I use the back entrance to not being seen by anyone. I take off my jacket. Ready to work. Wow! The club is full.

- Ste…- Rhys looks at me and I bet he tries to tell me something but then he turns his head and I know why he isn't. Brendan is looking at us. He nods at me to come to the office. Nice done Ste…No shame, no job…I walk my way to the office slowly trying to clear my throat.

**Bren POV**

- Shut the door, Stephen. – I say leaning on the desk. I'm starring at him saying nothing. He looks at the floor,the walls, everything but me.

- I can give you an explanation. – he says finally

- Can you?

- Well I had to…

- Don't.

- But…

- Recently like you lie a lot, don't you?

- What? – he murmurs under his nose.

- Making fun of me, Stephen?

- No. – he nods his head. I make a move forward to be closer to him. He makes a move backwards with a fear in his eyes.

- However you can recompensate your labour default. – I touch his face and he ducks his head. I roughly put my hands on his arms to make him look at me and then on his face, but gentler. I kiss him passionetely. I pull away when I realize I didn't lock the door. What was I thinking about? Someone could entered.

**Ste POV**

He locked the door.

- Take off your clothes. – he made a step to me and repeated but more softly - Take…take off your clothes, Stephen.- he turns me back to him and takes off my hoodie, not even waiting for my reaction. He threw me gently on the wall and I felt his body against mine, his hands against my naked stomach and chest, his kisses on my neck, behind my ear. He tried to undoing my belt…Suddenly I realized that what was happening… that was…I was… a toy…his toy. I opened my eyes and I stood there… half naked with his hands all over me just cause he wanted to play. My body numbed involuntary. My lips stopped to return his kisses, my mind stopped to produce visions about him and me naked on the couch, on the desk, on the floor. Finally I found strength to recject him.

- Stop –I said low, but he didn't – Stop – I said once again pulling him away and putting my shirt on.

- What do you think you're doing? – he was really surprised

- I'm working or I'm not. Depends on you… - I looked at him waiting for his decision.

- Come here – he really didn't believe me. He tried to pull me back to him.

- No… So am I fired?

He was loking at me suspiciously, not believing that was happening.

- Is this a kind of game of yours? I said I don't like games Stephen…

- Its not a game…- I roll my eyes.

- What is it, then?

- … I have enough, Brendan. – I said sincerely looking him straight in the eyes.

- Enough? …of what? – he said coldly. I realized he never gonna talk with me seriously about us. We were..I was nothing to him but an entertainment. Fun. Like for me a night with a stranger.

- …I'll better get back to work. The club is full and Rhys is alone. – I unlocked the door and walked out.

**Bren POV**

He left the office leaving me alone there. Fucking kid! I hate him! I hate this… I hate that I feel for him…Because.. Who's he? Noone, zero, nothing… And from now and on I'll treat him like he deserves. I was too good for him, too kind…That's why all this happened. Its my fault. But now I am going to fix it and everything is gonna be okay. He needs to know where is his place… That's all…


	6. Chapter 6

" Yo me seguiré negando pase lo que pase  
>a exponer mi corazón en este escaparate<br>Si tu me miras, si tu me miras.  
>Nos amaremos en la justa oscuridad,<br>en la trastienda que me ha visto suplicar."

(Come what may

I won't reveal my feelings to public display

But if you look at me

We gonna love each other in the darkness

In the backroom that was witness to my pleads.)

**Ste POV**

I lie on the bed, my bed. Not on the couch, floor or elsewhere. The thing is I am not under him, not anymore.

**Bren POV**

I like to think about colors when I have a problem to sort out. For example pink – Mitzee, silver – Warren, orange – Cheryl. And right now I need some red…to my black. ...I need my BLUE back.

**THREE DAYS LATER …**

**Ste POV**

- How about cinema? – Leah and Lucas seemed to be bored at home and the weather isn't really good. It rains.

- Yees – they shouted together

**Bren POV**

Last time I was at the cinema a few years ago with my boys…I walked oblivious that Mike followed me almost falling down on the floor with popcorns and cokes . I took a coke and had a quick scan of the room…There he was. I sat next to him and Mike next to me. What a face of Stephen? Just priceless.

**Ste POV**

What he was doing there?… and with someone, with a man!…like it would be a …date. Date. I don't care…but I… I wish he had sat somewhere else…. He didn't even bothered to greet me, he was very disturbed by the other guy helping him with popcorns. … The film started. I was watching the cartoon for children and for adults with my kids and my ex-someone next to me with his present … lover, boyfriend….Noooo…his new toy. …

**Ten minutes later.**

What is he doing? He touches his hand? He touches his hand…. I don't care, I don't care. I don't…why did he come exactly here?…of course, he is doing this on purpose…to make me come back to him. As I said I don't care. After cinema I'll be back at home with my kids and he can do with his life whatever he wants. And this other guy, too. He won't last long, anyway.

**Bren POV**

Stephen dissapeared so fast after the film was over, I didn't have any chance to do anything else. Besides with Mickey by my side I wouldn't have any chance, anyway. He's unbelievebly SLOW. And too quiet. And too… too anything! I was bored to death! Fortunately we were in my flat already. Only I don't know why did he come with me…

- Maybe, we could repeat it someday, Brendan? – he asked me when I opened the door.

- I'll call you. – I said thinking NEVER IN MY LIFE!

- Hi Mike! – Cheryl was reading in the living room

- Hello Cheryl! – he looked at me – And goodbye!

- Would you like to have a tea? – Cheryl tried to be nice and I wanted to kill her for the second time this week.

- No, thank you. I'll better be going.

- Bye then! – I said and shutted the the door in front of him not giving him a chance to change his mind.

- You could be nicer for him, Brendan.

- Why? – I didn't understand

- He' s a lovely fella…he's Lyney's mate.. and you know…

- Good night, Cheryl. – I walked my way upstairs with my hands in my pockets. What she was talking about? Me and this fella? First of all…No. And secondly…NO. And finally…STEPHEN.


	7. Chapter 7

**THE NEXT DAY AT CHEZ CHEZ… **

**Ste Pov**

- Good morning everyone!

- Morning Ste! – only Cheryl responded me

- Morning Brendan!

- Hey. – he said not looking at me and threw the newspaper behind his head – I'll be in my office.

- Not in the mood? – I asked Cheryl

- No, why?

- Don't know. I don't see him well, so to speak.

- Believe me Ste. My brother is better than ever. Yesterday he went out with Mike. Please, don't tell him I told you. – she whispered.

- Mike? He's a friend? – I tried my best to not sound jelous.

- Hmm…if you sleep with your friends. – she said and bite her tounge understanding what she's done – I'm sorry, Ste …

- Oh..don't be. Me and Brendan are well over. So really, they..are… a …couple?

- Well, not a couple…couple, but they are…close.

So what? I don't care if they are together. Not my business. Besides they are not. He's just a toy, like I was.

**Bren POV**

- What do you want?

- I need you. Don't look like that…I need your help. – Rhys looked at me akward.

- That's better. I started to worry. – I stood up from my seat – Lock the door. Now tell me what do you want, Rhys?

- Its about the stuff you gave me to sell.

- What about it?

- Last night I went to TOUrAGE like you told me..

- I don't like this story already. Whatever you've done, fix it and don't count on me. It's your business. I have nothing to do with this, remember?Now, get out of my office…out!

- What an idiot! Damn idiot!

**Ste POV**

- Two martinis, please Mr Disapear. – I know this voice, oh no, please no…not that

- You? – I open my mouth

- I am – he laughs – Hey, you look like you would've seen a ghost? Looks like you're not glad to see me.

- No, its not that. I am just…surprised. How did you know where I work?

- You told me.

- No, I didn't.

- You told you work at the night club. This is the only night club in Hollyoaks. Of course besides the one where we met, but I quessed you wouldn't work there. – he added with a smile

- Right. You are very aware of what people say to you…

- Only when they are worth of it…- he gives me a serious look. I feel a bit awkard.

- Look, maybe we should talk, but not here and not now cause I'm at work..

- I'd love give me your number..come on.

OK. That was fast! I put my phone out of my pocket. I never remember my phone number.

**Bren POV**

Now, who's this one? I've never seen him before. Stephen looks like he was ashamed to talk to him. He is never ashamed like that with anyone else but me. OK. He's gone.

-Stephen! Office, now!

**Ste POV**

Just great! Now what he wants? I feel like I've got enough for one day… I enter into the office and just stand there saying nothing. I am waiting, as always right?

- You finished. You can go home already. – he says

- What? But …

- I said you can go. So…go.

- As you wish!

And I go home angry and not even knowing why I'm angry. Cause he was angry with me? I don't care, right? I'm walking faster. Suddenly I feel someone's hand on my neck and the second one on my mouth…I am dead scared about what is happening…

- Are you scared? – he asks with a husky voice – it's a man

- …Bren? Brendan…

- Yeah, it's me Stephen. Remember, it will always be me.

I free myself from his arms still shivering of fear he made me feel.

- You are trying to finish me off? – I push him with my hands angry and he starts to laugh looking at me at the same time.

- …Sorry- he still laughs – I'm sorry Stephen, ….really, I do. – he looks like he was drunk and crazy at the same time.

- Just!… ehhh…leave me alone, ok? – I try to go away, but he doesn't let me. He stops laughing and turn me to his face roughly putting his strong hands on my arms so I don't have strenght enough to push him. He stares at me with these cold blue eyes of his and he leans his forehead against mine gently. His hand wraps around my waist and caresses my back slowly. Meanwhile his other hand touches my cheek.

- You ve got the most perfect cheeekbones, you knew that? – he asks and I roll my eyes down and shut my mouth stronger. I don't want to see him or his cold eyes anymore. It's too much…too much.

- …and the most perfect lips ever – he takes my head in his both hands making me look to him although I am trying not to…but he's stronger than me and persistent…and I have to do it. We look in each other eyes. In his I see nothing but a desire. Then he pulls away and puts his hand against my chest pushing me towards a cold building-wall. He moves his fingers across my stomach, my belly and… he makes a slow move towards me and caresess my cock and groins. I can't stand feeling so good but I don't do anything – I'm not moaning or yelling. I am quiet just like he likes me to be, doesn't he? He is looking at me for a bit while he does it and then makes a move to be closer to me and kisses my neck: one side, front of it and other side. He kisess the place behind my ear and I close my eyes making my hands into fists. He looks at me again but it's different now. His eyes aren't so cold anymore and beyond desire I can see something else… He kisess my naked chest, my nipples, my belly…what he is doing? He downs on his knees in front of me unzipping my trousers, pulling off my boxers. All I can feel is pleasure and I sigh…and I moan… my fists are not so strong clinched anymore and …I put my fingers into his dark hair looking at him unsure. He looks at me for a while and licks my groins. I love it. I am hard. He comes back to my mouth. We kiss passionetely. He licks, bites, sucks my lips. Then he takes my head in his hands again with a sigh.

- You are perfect.

I kiss his neck, his Adam's apple and my hand unblocks his belt and I put my hand into his boxers and I grab what is mine. I kiss his neck and I give him a strong strokes. He wraps my arm, neck and rests his forehead against mine. He moans and sighs. I know he likes it so I want to give him a head, too. I down on my knees and he looks at me tenderly. I quess… When I finish I stand up and he pushes me with his body against the wall. We kiss slowly and our tongues are dancing together. I want him! NOW! I turn around and put my hands against cold wall. He makes his way from my back to my entry with his fingers. He put them in me and I fall on him. He wraps me around holding my nipple.

- Ready? – he whispers to my ear and I nod, we kiss and then he enters inside my body. There's nothing like having him inside. Nothing compares to this, to him. He's unique, the only one. I feel like what we have will never end, that it will last forever until I will be in my grave. I feel him and it's so nice, so right, so true. His hands across my body, his dick inside my body and his lips against my body. There's nothing I wish more than to have him like that forever, to keep this moment forever. There's nothing I wish more than to be with him.

He puts his hands on my tighs, on my hips, he fucks me and all I can say is…

- Yeah, yeah… - He knows how to give me a pleasure. He knows best. I put my hands against the wall stronger so not to fall and he puts his hands on mine and he whispers to my ear…

- You like it? Tell me you like it, Stephen… - he breaths quickly, desperetely. I think about how funny is that he never forget about using my full name, not even now.

- Say it..say you want me, Stephen – he talks to me and he fucks me at the same moment. It's like he fucks me with his penis and with his voice at once. It's impossibly to describe the way he makes me feel.

- Yes…I want you…-I whisper to him intimately- …don't stop… - we kiss

- I won't – he says …

After next fifteen minutes I start to believe him… We hold and he doesn't stop fucking me. But now he fucks me slowlier, gentler. He kisess my arms, neck, lips. His hands are all over me, holding me, cherishing me. I put my head back on his chest, I sigh. I smile to him, he smiles to me and we laugh together while we are fucking. After a while he starts to fuck me harder and faster again. He grabs my dick and gives him strong strokes. I know we'll cum together and that how it is. The world doesn't exist, there's only him and me and what we have here together between these building-walls. He gets out of me but he still holds me in his arms and I try to calm my breath. He puts his one hand on my cheek and turns my head to his face and he kisses me. I turn around and wrap his arms, we kiss again. It feels like we are equal. It's funny but I never felt this way before when we kissed or fucked. He was always the one in charge, the one who decided, the master and I was nothing but a slave. Now it's different. I'm different. I feel different. He wraps my waist, we are almost naked with our dicks against our bodies. I don't care if someone 's gonna see us, I don't care about anything, I only care about him. This kiss we have is special. He kisess my cheek and opens his mouth and bite it on my jawline. I put my head in his arms, bury my face in his chest and wrap him around. I don't know what to say.

- I love you, Brendan… - it's the only way for me to express what I feel. But maybe I should shut up…He pulls away and pulls his jeans on, I do the same.

- Brendan? – but he doesn't look at me and puts on his shirt. – Well, I could expect that, couldn't I? – I'm angry at myself that I fall in his trap over again and I walk away…but he blocks my way, he puts his hands around my neck and he says..

- Don't..don't go…Stephen, I… don't want you to go, please.

- Then why do you act like you do, Brendan?

- …I' m sorry…I..sorry, Stephen…please…stay…- he pleads me with his eyes

I can't go. I can't. Because I love him, because he asked me, because he said he's sorry, because he stopped me, because I don't want to. That's why. I wrap him around his waist and put my hands on his back. In response, he holds me stronger to his chest, he cherishes my back and my head. His heart beats really fast so I ask him..

- Are you okay? – but he just holds me even stronger and we stay like that for a while and I feel like his pulse and his heart calm down.

- We should go..

- Yeah,yeah. Lets go. – he opens his arms quickly and takes his jacket from the ground. It's like I'd seen two Brendans in such a short time.

- Okay. – I say and we go … together. I'm a bit confused.

- Where are you going, Bren?

- What?…

- Your home is over there.- I smile- Too much of relaxation, huh? – I still smile – Don't worry, I can understand that.- I say and get closer to him, I lean for a kiss. Just a small one, a goodbye kiss, but he doesn't let me go. He kisess me like he hadn't had enough yet. I am out of breath so I pull away and he starts again to kiss me. Now I am very confused.

- Bren…we ..won't do …this here, right? …Not in…the middle …of the ….street? – I am asking him while he is kissing me.

- …No. That wouldn't be decent, would it? – he pulls away and lows his voice – So I think we should go to your place.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ste POV**

- Why?

- What why?

- Why do you want to get back to mine?

- How do you think?

- Are you gonna fuck me?

- You want me to fuck you?

- Yes … -I say and I blush immediately

**Bren POV**

We walk to his flat. I quess Amy and the kids are sleeping already. He leads me straight to his bedroom. I close the door securely and push him on them. I quite don't know how to fuck him to make the satisfaction lasts a bit longer than an hour. I pull him to me so he could feel my hard dick on his arse and I roll down his trousers and boxers. I put two wet fingers in his entry and kiss his naked back, before pulling his hoodie off. He leans on the door and sighs.

- Impatient? –he asks me

- A bit – and I add the third finger. In the same time I put out a condom from my pocket. I put it on my dick. I give a few strokes to my cock and line him into him. After awhile I'm inside and that is wonderful feeling. I fuck him a bit and pull out. I roll my trousers and put them down to my knees and undress off my suit jacket. Then I throw him on the bed on his knees with his arse pushed up for me. We fuck, no… I fuck him again for a bit. It's not enough. I stop and help him up and lead him to the window. He puts his hands on it while I fuck him again. I give his dick a few strokes. He moans and calls my name. I know I put him over the edge. I hold him close to me and without pulling out I make him lean on the table. I spread his legs more and fuck him, fuck him hard.

- Brendan..yeah…Brendaaaan – his voice is shaky and I like it. I put my hands on his arms and fuck him more, harder, faster, deeper. All the best to fuck him. I touch his nipples, he crawls beneath me pleading for mercy. I pull out from him and he is immediately on his knees looking straight in my eyes while licking my cock. His look is tender, sweet just like his mouth.

- Good boy. – I say and I smile to him

- Am I? - he teases me

- Yeah, you are. – I lean down to him and kiss him and pull him to me. He wraps my waist and I look at him. That's the way it should always be, he should always be like that, obiedient. Then we could have had moments like this more often.

- I love you, Brendan. – he whispers to my chest.

I hold him tighter to my body with sigh watching the ceiling. I caress his back tenderly. Then I make him look me in the eyes with my finger under his chin. He looks confused and I lean to kiss him, slowly and briefly. Then I lick his lips with my tongue and he opens his mouth involuntary. He kisses me slowly, unsure of himself as I watch him all the time. He touches my neck and lean forward to kiss me there, then my throat, my arms. He is still in my tight hug and I wonder why? His hands are caressing my chest, nipples as he kisses me all over the neck and throat. I feel dizzy with his acts. He shouldn't do this. I consider to push him away but exactly at that moment he pushes my a few steps backwards and I fall on the bed. He stares at me for a moment and then gets on the top of me looking at me tenderly, gently smiling, touching my face, caressing my cheek and leaning for a kiss. While we are kissing he slowly lies on me and I find his weight so sweet I put my hands on his back, neck, buttocks, tighs.

- I love your touch, Brendan. – he kisses my arms and hands.

- I love your scent – he buries his face in my shoulder

- I love you…- he says that so quietly than I can barely hear it and then I feel his hand on my cock rolling me up and down. Its amazing how he makes me feel. So many emotions, feelings that I've never wanted to admitt…He kisses my stomach and he works out my dick at the same time. He buries his head in my body and I brush my fingers through his hair and pull him to me. We kiss. I roll him on his back. What happens next is the most beautiful thing ever. His moans, yellings even, his legs on my shoulders, his dick rubbed with my body and in my hand. I don't allow him to touch himself. I feel like I watch us making love from the distance. When its all over and we lie on the bed, I take his hand in mine and put my fingers through his. They are matched for each other.

**Ste POV**

- I like it…- I say with my eyes closed when I feel he holds my hand

- What?

- Your touch, I told you… - I smile and snuggle closer to him and put my head on his arm. I'm happy with him.

- …

- You don't have to say anything…Just …be good to me. – I wrap him a bit more stronger and bury my face in his chest.


	9. Chapter 9

**ONE MONTH LATER…**

**Brendan POV**

He should be here already. Where the hell he is then? If he thinks he can get away with this, he is so wrong. I pretended dumb two last times, but …enough is enough. Eventually he apears at my office and I make my way to him.

-Hey Bren..dan – I take a grip of his neck faster than he can finish my name.

- What…are you…doing?

- You think you can fool me Rhys?

- What? No! Please, stop it, Brendan, please…

I loose my grip and then throw my hands above my sides...

**Ste POV**

- Hey Ste! – Amy shouted at me from the shop.

- Amy… hey, I didn't see you!

- No wonder, you have been having your head in the clouds lately, didn't you? – she laughed

- No, I think you are exeggerating – I said defensively

- Am I? …Okay, I wont make you feel uncomfortable, but…I want to be the first to meet this special someone who's got you so glad, ok?

- …Err..yeah…sure – I answered akward. But how? How am I supposed to tell Amy that I am with Brendan AGAIN? I bet she hadn't be glad….like I sooooomuch AM. I am glad and happy and in love even though we don't go public with it. Maybe we never will. Yeah, deep down I feel that can happen because he doesn't want it. He wants me and what we have in bedroom. Well, he is really nice to me in other places, too. But never does touches or smiles when we are not alone. So why do I do that anyway? Maybe because he does many things when we are alone, many nice, very nice things. And maybe because deep down I hope that this could be possible anywhere – we being together without secrets and hiding? Maybe I really want to know this answer and if I don't try I won't?

**Bren POV**

Thank God I'm in my flat already. I'm knackered and pissed off as hell. This Rhysie boy has a nerve to tell me all over again that he fucked things up…Can't he do what he has been told at last? Selling drugs isn't so complicated, is it? At least Warren is out of my face…forever. One trouble less.

- Hey! –suddenly Stephen turns out of blue in my flat without knocking - Why are you so angry?- he notices my mood immediately

- …Errr…What?No, …I mean, I'm not. What are you doing here? I thought we agreed to see in the evening…?

- Yeah, but …Cheryl wanted me to take the keys of the club and close it becase she had a very important meeting…

- Meeting? With whom?

- Didn't tell me, but I can bet that is more like a date rather than a meeting- he laughs

- What do you mean? – AM I MISSING SOMETHING?

- Ooh, don't tell me you didn't notice her with Gilly? – he says and me eyes get wider and wider

- Come on. Everyone could see they are loved up. – he finishes

- Are they? –I ask not quite believing it while Stephen is still looking for the keys.

- Uhm…do you know where are the keys?…I've seen them once. They really looked comfortable with each other. I mean, have you notice how much they talk and that accidentally their shifts collide?…Well actually I'm not complaining that much about that cause thanks to that, our shifts collide very often as well.- he glances at me while I am reading a newspaper.

- Got them!

- What? – I ask disinterested

- The keys….Good to know how much attention you pay to what I say.- he looks at me again, but this time with a grimace of dissapproval and then he continues coming closer to me and surrounding my shoulders with his – Anyway, what you've been doing all the morning? – he kisses my neck behind my ear. I like when he does it.

- Nothing such interested as sneaking around loverbirds, Stephen. – I am still reading my newspaper.

- I am not sneaking around them, though. It's just obvious they like each other very much, you know.- he says calmly and then pulls off of me and heads to the doorway.

**Ste POV**

I don't know how much longer we are supposed to play this hiding game…I wish we could do what normal couples do…Like Cheryl and Gilly, Rhys and Jaqui… Brendan and me…we aren't normal couple, are we? Definetely not. We started bad and now things just can't get normal from one day to another, right? We need time to work this out. I need patience, more patience and …him. I need Brendan around because I love him.


	10. Chapter 10

**TWO WEEKS LATER…**

**Bren POV**

- And? – Rhys looked very proud of himself expecting the same from me I guess

- And what?

- Well, this time I did best job ever, didn't I? You can't complain, can you?

- Keep it like that and both of us will have nothing to complain about, yeah? That' for you. – I gave him what he earned and patted him on the cheek and on this Stephen came into the office bubbling about something, but then stopped and just starred at Rhys and me. I cleared my throat.

- You can go, good job. – I glanced at Rhys and he made his way out having Stepen's eyes all over himself. Then Stephen just kept his eyes on me with arms folded. I turned to the desk looking for some papers.

- You know, I could just pretend I didn't see anything…

- So do it…- I said without turning back to him

- …but.. that would mean that I trust you…- I could feel his body heat just behind me -…and I don't. – he finished

- What are trying to say, Stephen? – I sighed and turned to him.

- Trying? I am not trying. I just did.

- And …exactly, what do you want me to do about this, Stephen? – I moved my face closer to his looking him straight in the eyes.

- If I had wanted anything from you, that would mean that I haven't known you a bit, Brendan. – he said without a shadow of hesitation or regret and then turned back making his way out.

- Stay..- I whispered to his ear pushing my left hand on the door and using my right one to hold his back to my chest. I started to kiss his neck behind his ear just like he does it so often to me.

- Stop it…

- Why? You like it.

- Need to help Rhys. He's on his own. – he took a hold on my neck pulling me to him – Besides Cheryl wanted to talk to you, so…

- Come to my office after work, yeah? – I pulled off of him and come out looking for Cheryl.

**Ste POV**

"Yeah, sure Brendan. I will be here." That is what I would probably have said …if I've had a chance. I hate when he does it. He left me with a word on the back of my tongue. AGAIN! Uhhh I wanna kill him but I wanna kiss him. I am sick of all of this.

**Bren POV**

- Hey sis, what's up?

- Oh, look Gilly. Brendan Brady is here ….al last! Maybe you need to go to the loo before we can talk, love? – I think she was angry… - SIT DOWN! – mistake, she WAS angry.

- Okay, okay. What's the matter with you, sis? You didn't get your love dose today or what?- I glanced amused at Gilly who was standing behind the bar.

- Very funny, Brendan.

- Then it must be PMS. I'm sorry man. – I glanced at Gilly again and even more amused than I was.

- Brendan Brady! Shut up and please, explain me one thing…

- Anything you want Chez. – I took a glump of beer and look at her again – Shoot!

- I'll shoot you if you don't stop…- she was ANGRY.

- What I did this time? –" Gosh! I am really good at lying.." I think to myself

- How long do you know this …Joel? I mean do you even know him? Gilly saw him talking to some dark types around the corner of our club…

- Darker than him?

- Brendan…

- Ohh, your point? – I sighed

- And today Ethan Scott warned me out to have people near me who don't deserve my trust.

- Okay I'll talk to Joel..

- No, Brendan. You gonna fire him. I don't want him here. Do you understand? We don't need any more troubles Brendan. Especially you. Did you forget how you've been accused of killing Danny Houston? Don't you have enough? – and she left me with my thoughts.

**Ste POV**

My shift is over. I'm knocking to his office before coming in.

- Can I? – I come in without waiting for his permission. He just looks up at me from a couch. He's drinking whiskey. I am looking at him with dissapproval and he sees that.

- You want some? – he points his glass to my direction.

- No and neither do you. – I take the glass and the bottle and put them on the desk, away from him.

- Stephen, give it back to me.

- No…- I say firmly and sit next to him on the couch making myself comfortable. Just looking at him I know something is wrong. I stroke his cheek and forehead and the back of his neck nestling my fingers in his hair. I look at him in silence. I know he likes it because he shuts his eyes for a bit and relax. It's really nice. He ducks a bit his head and smirks while taking a peek at ceiling. It makes me smile…I get closer to him leaning my forehead on the top of the side of his head. I observe him, he doesn't reject my caresses. I knew he wouldn't. I start to unbutton his shirt with my left hand and I feel his body heat. I kiss his jawline near his ear, then the place behind his ear. That makes him gasp so I keep kissing and licking his neck. Meanwhile, I'm taking a seat on his lap and undressing him from his shirt totally. I take a grip of both sides of his head pushing it on the back of the couch and kissing him gently, firmly and passionetely. He starts to moan into my mouth and I can feel easily he is hard. His hand wanders to his belt…

**AN HOUR AFTER …**

**Bren POV**

He's the best medicine for all my worries. I could stay with him here a bit longer, just a bit.

- Come on, Brendan. You need to dress yourself. – he hurries me up.

- No rush.

- If you want to sleep here tonight, don't look at me to stop you. – he teases me

- Think I prefer my own bed. – I sit down on the couch at last.

- I'm sure you do. – meanwhile Stephen tries to touch up his hair. I stand up behind him.

I wouldn't mind if you use it tonight, too. – I offer sliding my hand from the back of his neck to his forehead making him laugh.

- Thank you, but I need to be home in the morning.

- Yeah..OK. - I say and I keep looking at him


	11. Chapter 11

**THE NEXT DAY…**

**Bren POV**

I'm leaning on the office door looking at him. He looks hot today…well, he looks as always actually…I like watching him…his gloss skin…his hair…his shy yet challenging look… well actually I hate it sometimes, always…but at the same time I find it fascinating and appealling. I can be really mad at him but at the end of the day all these annoying things he does make me want him so much. He brings me over to the edge yet I can't keep away from him. Not for a very long time anyway. I'm getting used that it's not gonna change…I'm getting used that I feel for him, a lot of things, good things. That I care about him, very much…

What I like most about him right now is that he's absolutely oblivious that I've been starring at him for the last ten minutes. He doesn't bother to look back at me… especially now…that some punter is taking his full attention… I'd better get back to work. I close the door.

**Ste POV**

- Three beers!

- Alright! – I responded not even turning around to the bar, but when I do that….! - …(uneasy smile)

- Can't believe you remember me. – he said and I just tried not to look at him too much, putting three bottles on the surface. He paid for them and took them to his mates in the corner of the room. FORTUNATELY. I felt weird and totally shit though. Well, I don't have a lot time to contemplate it, do I? I have stuff to do so…Yeah I don't care.. why should I? I'm not the first one who went to the bed with a complete stranger and regretted it. Only I don't…I mean I didn't. He was nice, the time we spent together, too. It was a bit of fun, that's all. Yeah, but why he keeps coming back here? And the tone of his voice like I'd done something really wrong. We just slept together. Can't he get that and back off?

- Ste! – suddenly Amy's voice brought me back to real world and at the same time another voice took me hard to the ground

- Bye …STE! – the stranger was about to make his way out with his mates, but he didn't stop, just glanced at me.

- Who was that? – Amy asked me amused with a sudden blush on my face.

- Who? – who I wanted to lie**?:\**

- Ste! Oh my gosh! – she started to be too much excited

- He's a mate, well not actually…

- He's the one I think he is? – she asked me curiously smiling at me

- No! I tried to say that he's less that a mate, okay?

- Uhmmm – she looked a bit dissapointed – Anyway I have a question. Could you take care of kids tonight by your own? I would like to spent some more time with Lee because…

- No problem!

- Really? I love you Ste! Bye!

- Bye! – I smiled at her while she ran out of the club

**Bren POV**

KNOCK! KNOCK!

- If you aren't dying, go away! – I shouted to someone who probably was standing in front of my office door. I was busy with papers. What a mess!

- Very funny. – Joel came inside. – I want to talk, Brendan.

- I want you out of the club…and out of the village at the end of the week. – I said not bothering to look at him.

- …

- If I were you, I would go and pack myself ASAP. The police is on your back. – I still didn't look at him.

- In this case the police is on OUR back, Brendan. We're together in this, aren't we?

- What did you just say? – I stood up fast and closed the space between us so he could feel my breathe on his face.

- My problems are your problems, Brendan.

- My advice to you Joel – pack yourself and go. I don't want to repeat it, you get that? Now, get out of my office. – I said slowly watching him going out.

**Ste POV**

- Look, probably Brendan fired him already. – Gilly pointed at Joel who was coming out of the Brendan's office.

- What? But why?

- Cheryl got suspicious about him and I…

- You what?

- I've seen him with someone…

- Who was that?

- Someone dangerous, I think. – he said with hesitation

- Didn't you see his face?

- …It was dark. – he finished and got back to work, but before that he glanced at Joel one more time.

Well, Gilly's behaviour was strange recently. I haven't seen him like that since he started to work at Chez Chez two months ago.

I think he was worried, but about what?

**Bren POV**

KNOCK! KNOCK!

- Again? Come in! – "who is this time?" I thought – It's you…- I glanced at Gilly from my papers - What do you want, Gilly?

- …Have you fired him?

- Excuse me…?

- You should, you know…

- Wha..? – I stood up from my chair instantly – I reckon I need to explain you something, mate. The thing is…- I put my hands on his shoulders and closed my face to his - The thing is, Gilly, you can be Cheryl's boyfriend, you can be even Cheryl Cole's boyfriend…- I chuckled at my own joke - …but you won't get to tell me what to do, EVER! – I removed my hands from him.

- I just want the best for Cheryl.

- Good. Me, too. Now, get out.

- I might be noone here but I know this guy is bad news. – he said and closed the door behind him.

I put my legs on the desk and folded my arms. "Like if I hadn't known." – I thought.


	12. Chapter 12

**TWO DAYS LATER AT STE'S…**

**Ste POV**

- Hey Ste! Where are you? – I heard Amy's voice exactly when Lucas and Leah decided to play football in the flat…

- Hiya! Good, you're here…- I was putting my jacket on - …and I am going. – I added with a smile – See you!

- See you, Ste. Oh, Ste! I need to tell you…something!Ste!

When I got out, I saw our new club's DJ, Joel. He was standing in front of our house. He was looking at me. I decided to ignore him and just walk, but he wouldn't get the hint.

- Ste!

- What? – I stopped annoyed at him

- Hey, what's up with you, mate? – he lifted his hands in a gesture of peace

- First of all, we're not mates, mate. And secondly I don't have any idea what you're doing here, ok? – and I started to walk again but he followed me

- Okay, I know I started bad.

- Ohh! Just get lost! – I was stubborn as he was

- Look I know we hadn't have a chance to talk much at Chez Chez. I had things to sort out and…

- Are you gonna tell me what this is all about or what? – I stopped and I asked him finally to stop his endless chatter

- I just need a place to live…

- …and you want to live with me..? Forget about it! – I started to walk again

- No!Of course not…what a personality!Gosh!Are you always like that! – he was smiling and trying to take a breathe

- Alright. So what do you want? – I stopped again

- I don't know anyone here and… I thought you could recommend me someone or something. I need a place to live.

- I don't know anyone who could help you, ok? Moreover, I don't want to help you.

- Yeah? And why is that? Yo don't even know me well.

- What I know is enough. I don't like you, ok? – I walked away leaving him alone

**Bren POV**

The club is almost empty this evening. I lie on the couch. I'm resting. KNOCK! KNOCK! God, I hate this sound!

- Come in! – "if you have to" I think and I get up

- I think we have a problem, boss.

- What is it this time? You've lost it, left it in lady's room or forgot that you…

- The police is here. – he lows his voice

- Hmm…Have you been selling anything today?

- Of course not. It's hardly a few people tonight, is it? I'm not stupid.

- Good to know, Rhys. – I say and he still looks at me confused – Get back to work.

- Okay. – he says but he has a fear in his eyes

I get back to work, too. I smile to myself. It's amazes me every time when the police tries to catch me and they fail with chosing a correct moment. It's always almost…but never enough.

**Ste POV**

- That's enough boys! We're leaving! – I'm cleaning the bar's surface for the sixth time to hear what they are talking about

- Sorry to dissapoint you Detective – Brendan fakes his smile

- This time. – Ethan is obviously angry but he tries to hide his emotions and walks away

When they finally left the club, we were looking at each other for a while. Brendan put his hands into his pockets. Then I knew Ethan wasn't necesairlly so wrong like he thought he was.

- Alright, Brendan… - I said when everyone was out – Tell me then…- I asked him throwing a cloth over bar surface

- …What? – he said in low voice shrudding his arms

- You know?

- I don't. – he said and moved forward in my direction. He touched my face looking at me. My heart started to beat faster. I felt like I was out of saliva. He was so close. I felt butterflies in my stomach when he leaned his forehead against mine.

- Do you… selling drugs, here? – I asked him quietly

- No. – his answer was quick and sure

- I don't want you to… - I said even lowlier

- I don't. – he said and kissed me gently

Then we moved to the office door. I felt the handle sticking in my back but I didn't care. We kissed slowly. His hands cupped my face and my hands wrapped his waist and back. He started to kiss my neck, the place behind my ear. I smiled. I love it when he does it. He came back to my mouth and he opened the office door dragging me with him there…

**ONE AND HALF HOUR LATER …**

We're still naked lying on the floor. I can't help but grin like an idiot while I'm getting my fingers through his dark hair. We're both lying on our stomachs but I'm on my elbows and he's not. He worked really hard…

- Can you just stop grinning under your nose, Stephen?

- Don't ask for impossible. – I answer with even wider smile and he sighed defeated

- Brendan? – suddenly I just need to know…

- Yeah? – he buries his head in his arms

- How much longer we'll be like that? – I whisper because I'm afraid what he's going to say

- …

- Do you even think about it? – I ask him as calm as I can

- Of course! – he shouts

I stand up quickly putting my t-shirt on me.

- ...Ohhhh…. – he rolls his eyes - Come on. Stop it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have screamed at you, Stephen. – he stands up, too

- Well, it's too late, don't you think? – I'm angry at him

- … - he avoids my look - I just don't get why you're bringing it up? I thought you're okay with how it is?

- I'm not, I never was… and I'll never be… I thought that maybe you've changed and all you need is… some time to work it out between us. I was waiting for you to be ready. I was giving you time to get used to the idea of us being a couple. – I am completely dressed, now.

- …I do want you, Stephen. – he still avoids my look

- No..

- Yeah..I really do…

- No, you want this – I point all over the room with my hands – this dark room and you and me inside. - This…this is NOT who I am, Brendan! This is you! - …We're done. – I say and he finally looks up at me. I open the door.

- Don't! – he blocks my way pushinh his arm on the door

- Don't go. – he repeats and I turn around to face him

- … I love you…Stephen. And I promise…we'll be together, soon. Just like you want.

We're standing in this office looking at each other and every kind of emotions is over there in the air: confusion, desire, embaressment, joy, fear and love.


	13. Chapter 13

**THE NEXT DAY AT THE VILLAGE…**

**Bren POV**

I walked down the street to my club when I saw him. I got angry. Of course I didn't make a fuss in a middle of the street. I followed him to his new place, I quess. I knocked the door several times, very hard. Eventually he opened the door.

- It's you. – he said

- And here are you. Still. – I narrowed my eyes - I told you to disappear – I said but he walked his way to the kitchen allowing me to come in

- And I did, didn't I?

- Then what are you still doing here… Joel? – I was really pissed off

- I left the club but I never promised I'll leave Hollyoaks.

- … - I couldn't get him – You live…here? – I looked at the ceiling to control myself

- Yeah – he said and came closer to me pulling on my jacket

My eyes started to follow his hands. They were lower and lower….

- Stop it. – I gripped his wrists

- Why? You used to like it. – he answered in husky voice – It's what you came for, didn't you?

- I'll give you one more chance to leave.

- I won't leave. I don't want to leave. I like this village and… the neighbours. – he sat to the table with a cup of tea

I watched him carefully while he was drinking. I put my hand on his shoulder.

- …You got a week to disappear from my life. Forever. – I warned him and left his flat

As I was outside I looked at the sky. It was blue, bluer than anywhere else. Stephen lived on the same street. "It must be this" I thought.

**Ste POV**

- Ste? Ste? - Cheryl was sitting in front of me

- …What? – I asked

- Cheryl invited you to come with us somewhere tonight? – Gilly rushed to explain me

- So, would you like to come along? – Cheryl repeated her offer smiling at me

- Uhhh…No, better not. – I glanced at them knowingly

- And why not?

- I don't want to disturb you. – I answered but my eyes were already on Brendan whose steps on the stairs I've heard about five seconds ago

- Come on, Ste! – Gilly patted my back – It'll be fun!

Cheryl and Gilly started to laugh together. Meanwhile me and Brendan exchanged the looks. I had to swallow.

**Bren POV**

While I was walking my way to the office I sent Stephen a hot look. It always worked. KNOCK! KNOCK! God, I love this sound! I turned around and saw him closing the door. Then he turned around, too. We just starred at each other for a while…

- I like it. – I said putting off my jacket

- What? – he asked me

- This…- I didn't take my eyes off of him not for one second – this, when we can understand each other without using words. That was always the easiest part… - I made two steps forward

- For you. – he made a step toward the desk - Because you hadn't to answer my questions or give me any explanations and because you didn't want to face the truth about who you are. – he talked and I had to sit down - I did. – he continued - I asked myself these questions all over again: Who am I? Does he even care about me? ..Why does he beat me up if... I love him? Do I deserve it?…When will be the next time? And why I'm still doing this if I know it's never going to work? – he finished and I couldn't look up at him.

We stayed like that. He was standing and I was sitting on the couch. I dipped my head. I put my fingers through my hair trying to take a breathe.

- You know, when I met Noah…- he started to talk again – I did't fall in love, not with him anyway. I've fallen in love with what we had. Small things like watching telly together, laughing… I don't miss Noah but I do miss sharing my time with someone who would like to share their time with me. – he said and sat next to me on the couch and looked at me with those blue eyes but I kept mine on the floor

- I'm sorry – it was the only thing I could have said

- I don't want your apologies though. – he said – I want you, Brendan. But NOW or NEVER. – he whispered to my ear determined

- What? – I turned my head to face him

- NOW or NEVER. – he repeated and I knew he meant it

I started to feel tears in my eyes.

- Stephen… - I cupped his hand with mine and I entwined my fingers with his

- DAD! – suddenly the door opened and Declan bursted in

I was on my legs immidiately. I whiped my eyes, it's not like I was crying but just to composture myself. Declan didn't notice it fortunately.

- Hi! – Declan noticed Stephen, however

- Hiya! – Stephen stood up surprised

- Stephen, this is my son, Declan. – I explained him and Stephen smiled to him

**Ste POV**

- I've heard a lot about you - I shook Declan's hand

- Really? Didn't know you were such a chatter, dad? – he said obviously amused

- Yeah, your dad is full of surprises. – I smiled to him

- Brendan…here you are ! - this time it was woman's voice

- Eileen, how are you? – Brendan greeted her

- Okay actually. Can we talk… alone, please?- she asked

I thought it was good time to go so I went out and Declan followed me. Cheryl hugged his nephew like a wild animal and Gilly laughed with them.

- Please auntie Cheryl you've already seen me…and hugged me. – Declan tried to defend himself

- Don't fight her. You have no chance. – I said smiling at them

- You waste your time – Gilly added

- Speaking of which…- Cheryl looked at me – Have you made up your mind, already?

- About what? - I made my most innocent face

- About tonight? – Cheryl wouldn't give up easily, would she?

- Are you sure you want me with you tonight? – "Brendan is going to spend this evening with his son, anyway" I thought

- Of course! – Cheryl and Gilly shouted together

- That's fantastic! – Declan folded his arms and faked a worried face – And I'm going to have a nice evening with my dad asking me the same questions and watching the same movies we watched when I was ten. – he finished rolling his eyes – Kill me, kill me now!

We all started to laugh aloud giving him looks full of comfort.

- Is there any comfort for you, I had the same with my dad. And he did live with me. – Gilly patted Declan on his shoulder

- Courage. – I added cleaning glasses

- You will survive – Cheryl started to dance and sing imitating Cher's song and we started to laugh again and Declan with us

**Bren POV**

- …and I wondered if you could have taken care of Declan for two weeks? – she asked me finally after a lof of explanations about his mate's wedding

- Of course I could. It's out of the question, Eileen. I'm his father, right?

- Are you sure?

- Yeah…

We walked out of the office and we saw Cheryl, Stephen, Declan and Gilly laughing together.

- Hi Daddy! – Declan waved to me imitating a five-year-old kid and they all bursted out laughing

- Chez, did you give him something?Did she give you something, Deccy? – I was next to them in a few steps and took my son's head in my hands watching him cautiously

- They bursted out laughing again. I folded my arms and put on my serious face.

- Okay. When I come back you and me, are going to have a chat, Deccy– I said and I came back to Eileen to help her having a cab.

**Ste POV**

We laughed even more when he said the last sentence with this serious face of his.

- I was wrong guys, I was very wrong…- Declan said laughing – I think it's more probably that I'll have to watch cartoons tonight. – he whiped his tears

- Ohhh…don't worry…Deccy! – Cheryl was merciless


	14. Chapter 14

**THE SAME DAY IN THE EVENING… **

**Ste POV**

- Maybe, you want me to stay? In case of…anything?

- Ste, will you go out finally or not? – Amy smiled at me – I'm getting grey here. Go and have some fun. You deserved it, Ste.

- Okay. I go but if anything happe…- I wanted to finish my sentence but she just closed the door behind me.

I heard her and Lee laughing inside. Well, I should know leaving them alone with kids wasn't exactly a sacriface, was it? I smiled to myself.

**Bren POV**

- So what do you want to watch, Deccy? I've got here all your favourite movies. – I said to my son when we eventually got to the flat.

- Yeah, I'm sure you have. – he murmured under his nose – Maybe we could cook something first? I'm starving.

- Of course. – I went to the kitchen – How about hamburgers? Sorry, but cooking is not what I do best. However I reckon I can manage with something simple.

- That's… great. – he said unconvinced

- What? – I turned around to him

- Nothing.

- Come on, tell me.

- You'll laugh.

- Like you were laughing at me today? I might. - I teased him

- …- he giggled

- Tell me

- I'm vegeterian.

- Really? But..how can you? – I asked after a moment of looking at the hamburgers in my hands.

- It's a matter of choice, I quess. – he put his hands in his pockets

- …Yeah…but how you can stop yourself wanting to…

- Eat a hamburger? – Declan was starring at me apparently amused - I'll show you –he took the hamburgers from my hands, opened the fridge and threw them over there without a moment of hestitation

**Ste POV**

- Let's go to the dancefoor, boys! – Cheryl was trying to screm out louder than music that was played in TOUrAGE.

- There is a crowd over there! – I pointed to Gilly and he nodded at me

- Don't be dull, boys! Come on!

We left our table and went to dance. It was great. Loud music and everything. I wish I could be here with Brendan… Suddenly I felt someone's back smashed at mine very hard. I turned around to say sorry but when I did it I saw MY STRANGER and I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Anyway, I didn't have to because he just smiled at me and then we started to dance together. I was surprised at first but then it felt okay. When the song finished I left Cheryl and Gilly on the dancefloor and went with him to the bar. We were both out of breath.

- Fancy a drink? – he asked

- Sure! I'm thirsty! – it was sweat all over me – Sorry!

- Don't, it was my fault! I didn't notice you… - he answered

- Oh…I don't mean that. I meant the other night…- I kept my eyes on my hands – I behaved like a jerk.

- Then I quess we're square, right? – he smiled at me – I wasn't better. Actually you could accuse me of stalking you and put me in prison …- he said with faked seriousness

- What? – I wided my eyes

- …but you didn't and I'm very grateful… Ste. – he laughed. – I'm Nathan, by the way. – he shook my hand

- Good to know. – I laughed to hide my embarressment

We spent the evening talking and laughing until I realized I left Cheryl and Gilly alone. They weren't complaning though. I caught them all loved up, kissing and hugging in thhe middle of the dancefloor. Everything claimed it was lovers' night. Amy and Lee, Cheryl and Gilly… This music was really loud. I closed my ears with my hands and got back home. When I was on my way I sent a message to Cheryl: _Have fun! Don't worry about me, Ste._


	15. Chapter 15

Que fácil decir te quiero  
>cuando estamos solos.<br>Lo difícil es hacerlo  
>cuando escuchan todos.<p>

(So easy to say 'I want you' when we are alone

So much harder doing it with everyone upfront)

**THE NEXT DAY IN THE MORNING AT CHERYL'S…**

**Bren POV**

- Hey sis! How was your evening? – I sat down to the table to eat my breakfast

- Sshhh…not so loud, Brendan..please, not so loud, okay? – Chez leant her head on the table's surface and I giggled

- You're fine? – I asked drinking my coffee

- I'll be. Tomorrow. How do I look? – she asked me hopefully

- Miserable. – I said and I stood up - ..but you'll be better. Tomorrow. – I kissed the top of her head and I walked out to the club

**Ste POV**

I walked to the club. I didn't rush. I had still a lot of time to start my shift. It was something else I was worried about. Brendan. I wanted to talk to him, to define our situation once and for all. I couldn't live like that anymore, could I? It was warm, sunny day, a perfect day. Nothing could have gone wrong in a day like that, right? Perhaps last night was a lovers' night but I can stay with a day like that as well. I reached the stairs of Chez Chez. I've heard very low music. I took a few steps. The pictures of Brendan and me were running in my head. Good things, bad things. Nothing mattered anymore. Everything that mattered was that moment. I took the last two steps and I saw him sitting and drinking his favourite whiskey. It took me a moment to speak.

- Brendan…- I said and he lifted his head

- Stephen…- he turned his head in my direction putting his newspaper to the side and taking the last gulp of whiskey

- It's time to talk. – I stated

- …- he kept his eyes on his shoes – Stephen, I need more time. It's not a good moment. – he put his hands into his pockets

- ...It's never a good moment with you. – I answered bitterly

- What do you want me to do with Declan here? It's not simple as that, is it?

- I get that but it's just a matter of time! Sooner or later Declan will know!

- Well, I prefer later then! – he shouted

AGAIN. He shouted at me again and it's not that he shouted at me but the way he did it. Like he would like to hit me… with his body moving towards me it seemed like that. He still didn't have any control about this rage that was inside him. I was starring at him saying nothing. Thinking how would my life look like in this relationship…My love wasn't enough to play the same game again, to be a victim again. His love wasn't enough either. We just weren't ready to be together. It wasn't our time apparently. It hurt but it would hurt even more if I'd stayed with him. And as much as I loved him there were my kids, Amy counting on me. I couldn't decide for myself without thinking about them. They were my base, my family. I'm sure if I'd told that to him he would understand it because he chose his son over me, too. He told me once :"There are two things I care about. First – me, and second – my family." And he stood by it. Like a real man. Surely he would understand me.

- Hi dad! Hi Ste! How are you? – Declan's voice brought me back to reality – I can see you're much better than auntie Cheryl. – he smiled at me

- ...Yeah? – I said weakly

- Yeah! She asked me to tell you she won't be here today, dad.

- I didn't think she would come, anyway. – Brendan answered keeping his eyes on me

- Delivery man's here, boss! – Rhys was screaming from downstairs

- I'm coming! You come with me, Deccy? – Brendan kept looking at me

- Sure, dad.

- ...Yeah, you go…- I started – I'll be here if you need me.- I went behind bar without looking at him

Brendan took his son with him and I started my shift as always. As nothing happened. I came outside. I looked around me. Nothing happened indeed. The day was still sunny and warm as it was thirty minutes ago.

**Bren POV**

I didn't want to shout at him…God, I really didn't mean to…but he can't understand. It's my son. How can I tell him? With what face? I'm his father. I want him to love me, to respect me. I've done enough bad things already to him and his brother. I left them, I betrayed their mother, I caused them enough pain. They could hate me…and they don't. They still look up to me. I want them to be proud of me…I don't want them to be ashemed that their father is…gay. QUEER, HALF-MAN!That's who I am! And I hate myself for that!…Why? Why I have to be like that? Why I can't be normal? I didn't ask for that. I never wanted it. I tried to fight it…I thought I could…But then I realized that I was wrong. I couldn't. My body couldn't. That's why I lost my family and that's why I hurt my sons…and Eileen. I thought nothing worse could happen to me. God, I was so wrong…but how could I predict it? I hated this thing in me. I hated so much that I've never thought about…falling in love…with someone…with a man. Love? This kind of love? It was abstract. Empty word without any meaning. I did cared about Eileen in a way I was expected to…I started a family with her, she gave me my sons and that's why I cared about her. Because my sons gave sense to my life, a purpose. Their existence meant that I was a real man. Real man, not a half- man, not a queer…Then I met Stephen and I felt the familiar itch… I wanted to have him, just that. However I couldn't make it happen for a long time. First – Eileen's visit. I had to sort out some things…then Cheryl at hospital. There was so many things. Then – Rae…She apeared when I thought I could finally do something to get Stephen in my bed. I had to work really hard to make him do the first step…This first kiss in flat…he was drunk…he was laughing a lot…he was talking…he was seducing me without even knowing about it. He was driving me crazy. It was the first time I felt like that. It didn't seem any itch to scratch, it didn't seem dirty… Normal things, when you meet someone you like very much but you're not sure they feel the same way about you. So you're scared but excited and desire is building-up in your stomach. It brings you over the edge and just when you think you failed something happens…he kissed me…he started the game. From that moment one thing led to another. Soon we were sleeping together. I fell for him. I didn't understand it, I couldn't understand it, I didn't want to understand it. I did though. Deep down I knew. That's why I decided to behave the same way I always did. I hurt him to make no difference between him and other ones like Vinnie or Macca. Besides this rage in me…I wasn't able to stop it. Even when I wanted. I knew I hurt him and he wanted me to stop but I couldn't… It worked the way it was, me and him. If it wasn't he wouldn't came back to me all over again…but eventually he didn't. I gave him some more time to cool things but it didn't work this time. I claimed him and he rejected me. I tried to broke him up with Noah, twice, but they made up every time…and then so much time without him…without his touch…his scent…without feeling him beside me in my bed…missing him. I realized I really lose him…and I asked myself: Why? Why things have to be like that? Why we can't be happy together? For the first time in my life something, besides my kids, was giving a sense to my life. I stopped to lie myself that I can stay away from him. I couldn't. I wanted him back. With me. In my bed. In my arms. Sleeping beside me not beside him. I was jealous. That was another sign that only confirmed what I already knew…I was in love…It really didn't matter anymore that it was a man. I just wanted to make it work…But now, with Declan here, everything got back to me…


	16. Chapter 16

**TEN DAYS LATER…**

**Ste POV**

I was doing fine. Trying not to think too much about him. Trying to convince myself I decided the right thing. The best thing I could have done in this situation…I keep repeating it to myself to not forget because sometimes I just want to feel his body heat against mine, nothing more. Just that…but then I realize that these are his rules not mine…that I would come back to him on his rules…just like he wanted me to…and it's not gonna happen. Not this time. I swore it to myself and I'm planning to stand by it no matter what. It was quite easy so far because he barely speaks or looks at me these days. I don't mind. It's good.

**Bren POV**

Ten days passed fast and it was almost time for Declan to go back home. We spent some time together. I haven't realized he was so…grown up. He's a really smart kid. He's my son, my pride…Cheryl was thrilled as well. While we were watching telly together everything seemed to be perfect. Why would I need anything else?

**Ste POV**

I went to the cellar for some crates…thinking about my life…about Brendan…about everything I've beeen through with him…I was tired with all this. When I turned around with a crate in my hands I saw him. Brendan.

_You're not going anywhere. – my memory started to produce familiar pictures in my head_

- Gotta you. – he said

- What do you want? – I asked knowing very well what is what he wants

- Just to chat…- he ducked his head looking at me…(if I hadn't known him I'd said – shyly)

- About what? – I turned my head to the side for a second and then I looked at him chalengelly

He made three steps forward …his hands in his pockets…his body so much closer to mine than it was a minute before.

_Red shirt…key in a lock…fear…surprise…confusion and excitement…desire…_

- About us, Stephen. – he whispered to my face and I made a steps backwards until I felt a wall against my back

- There is no us. – I told him firmly and he sighed

- Don't be like that, Stephen. Declan is leaving this week…

- With Declan here or not…! There is no us anymore! – I repeated and I tried to pass him by but he held my arm

- I promise Stephen…- he kept his eyes on the floor again

- Don't promise what you can't keep! – I was angry at him to make me behave like a betrayed woman or something

- …please…- he pleaded me with his eyes

- No! No and no! Never again! Did you hear me? – I screamed at him like he did at me – Leave me alone. – I added much calmly this time and I left this cellar when everything had started and everything had just finished

**Bren POV**

Leave him alone? If I only knew how…I stayed there an hour or more thinking…what to do next? What should I do?

Thinking about Stephen, about me, about Declan. Maybe I should just get used to the idea that my life was like it was, that I was like I was and nothing could be done about it.

**Ste POV**

My shift was finally over. It was dark outsidie. I said goodbye to everyone and made my way home when my phone rang.

- Hello!

- Hello!Ste? – this familiar voice… - It's me…Nathan.

- Ahhh…- I smiled – Hiya! Nice to hear you but… I didn't expect it. – I was totally surprised

- Well, good to know that you haven't ereased me from your memory. – he laughed

- We agreed to leave it in the past, right? – I remembered him

- Sorry, it just slipped out. I'm like that. I'm babbling all the time and … I quess I'm babbling now, right?

- A bit yeah. – I giggled and I heard him laughing, too

- ... Fancy a drink? – he asked eventually and I needed a company so much these moments

- Err…? Okay. Where?

- And how do you think? – this time he giggled

- TOUrAGE! – we said together

- I'll be there in an hour. – Nathan was really "fast" guy

**Bren POV**

- Hi dad! Where have you been? – Declan asked me when I came back from club

He was sitting on the couch playing his games. He didn't even took a good look at me. Fortunately. I went straight to the kitchen. I put my hands on the cabinet and dipped my head.

- Declan.

- Yeah…- he still played his games

- Come over here.

- What's up? – he stood behind me – Dad, are you okay? – he asked me

- Yeah…I'm fine. – I took a deep breath and turned around to face him – I need to talk to you, Declan.

- What is it about? – he folded his arms

He was standing there, looking at me, waiting for me to say something and I wanted to…I wanted to tell him the truth.

- Cheryl's upstairs? – I asked to gain more time…

- No, we're alone. – he looked worried – Tell me, what's going on?

- Err..It's nothing to worry about. – I assured him – You're leaving in a few days and I thought that maybe... we should talk like father and son because I honestly don't know when we'll have the next opportunity and…

- …and you want to talk to me like with an adult. – he finished my sentence

- … - I didn't say anything, I just nodded my head

My head was a mess. I felt sweat on my back so I undressed from my jacket and put it on the cabinet. I rolled my sleeves to my elbows. Hundred things, even more pictures of Stephen on the back of my head… I felt like…RUN AWAY!

- I'm almost an adult and I can understand loads. – I heard Declan's voice again and I folded my arms, too

- ... I know. You're great kid and I'm very proud of you…even if sometimes I can't show you this…but you know that I love you very much, right? You and your brother. I love both of you.

- Shut up… - he said but he smiled to me

- Come here.- I pulled my arms to him to hug him

I chose. My kids are first.

**Ste POV**

The night was a bit cool but nice. We walked down the street while we were talking. Me and Nathan.

- Thanks! It was great…like always in your company. – I bite on my tounge too late

- I'm glad... – he laughed at me and I thought that he laughs a lot - …but I didn't do anything special. We just danced and talked.

- Sometimes it means a lot – I thought that small things like that were impossible to do with Brendan

- I'll remember it. Perhaps you could exchange the favour, soon.

- Why? You've got into troubles? What is it? – I asked

- Nothing. It's not like I'm gonna die, right? – he joked

- Do you always make fun of everything? – I couldn't get how someone can be so worriesless

- It's better to laugh than to cry or worry about things you don't have any contol about.

- I'll remember it. – this time I smiled to him – This is my house. – I said when we got there.

- Okay, then see you next time.

- See you…Nathan. – I said his name deliberetely slow as he walked away very quickly

I opened the door carefully without waking up anybody. I went straight to my room. I lied on the bed…my hands under my head…Eventually I fell asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**THREE DAYS LATER IN THE MORNING AT CHERYL'S…**

**Bren POV**

Declan is getting back home today. Cheryl is a mess. She can't let him go…literally.

- I'm gonna miss you so much. – she tells him that for the tenth time hugging and kissing him (poor Declan)

- I know auntie Cheryl. You've told me …- he responds and Cheryl huggs him again until Gilly holds her arm

- Thank you..- I hear a very quiet whisper and looks' exchange between Declan and Gilly

- Okay, can we go, now? – I ask

- Sure, let's go! – Declan answers immidiately

- We'll walk you to the car. Right Gilly? – Cheryl offers

- Yeah... – and Gilly unfolds his arms

**Ste POV**

I walked my way to Chez Chez as always. I greeted a few people. I smiled to them. When I was taking the last steps to come inside the club I've heard someone's voice…Nathan's voice.

- Ste!

I turned around but he was next to me already. "Wow! What a speed!" I thought. He put his hands on his knees trying to take a breathe and I noticed that he's got a really nice body. Then he leant on the club's door still out of breathe. He was taller than me but shorter than Brendan…("Can I not think about him for a change?")…Actually his fashion style remembered me Dodger's... I smiled widely thinking about it.

- Are you okay? – I asked him touching his arm

- Yeah…I'm fine…

- What are you doing here? – I was still smiling

- Looking for you. What did you think? That I like running around the village every day?

- Don't know…but you surely look like that…- I blushed realizing what I just said

Nathan looked up at me with interest like he was searching for something in my face and that made me feel even more uncomfortable. When I was trying to make up something to cover my embarressment I noticed Brendan and Declan coming to the car followed by Cheryl and Gilly. Brendan opened the booth of his car packing some luggage, I quess. Gilly hugged Cheryl but Declan saw me and waved to me…and that was the moment when I felt his lips on mine. Nathan's lips. The kiss… was gentle…his lips were soft…it was nice…except I couldn't concentrate because I knew someone was seeing us.

- Nathan…- I pushed him gently to the side

- I'm sorry…I thought you wanted me… to kiss you. – he explained

I didn't mind actually but Declan was still looking at us. His face was full of…confusion. I wondered whether his expression would be the same if he'd seen me with his father…("Again Brendan…") I decided that it'll be better to come inside. I opened the door...

- You're coming? – I asked surprised Nathan

- I'd love to as a matter of fact. – his smile returned

I started to sort the bar while he was watching me. I thought we should clear things between us…

- Morning Ste! – I heard Cheryl's voice

- …Morning! Hiya Gilly! – I answered and meanwhile I was trying to make up excuse to have my mate here…

- Hi! I 'm Cheryl, the owner of the club. – Cheryl greeted Nathan and I opened my mouth a bit too much

- I'm Nathan. I'm …

- You're our new bartender, aren't you? – Cheryl didn't let him finish his sentence

- ..I don't know..Am I? – Nathan looked… surprised and I didn't blame him

- You're shy. – Cheryl smiled at him – It's sweet. I like you. Come on. We'll talk in the office.

- ..Ok.a.y. – Nathan followed her confused

I stood there, behind the bar and I couldn't understand what just happened. Gilly was cleaning glasses.

- Do you understand anything of that, Gilly?

Cheryl gave a job advert to the newspaper…I hope she's not wrong with this guy. – Gilly glanced at the office door

- What do you mean? – I asked

- You know…he's good-looking, young, charming and she already likes him…Is it normal? – Gilly was jealous

- First – Cheryl never was normal and secondly – you have nothing to worry about, mate! – I patted him on his back leaving to the cellar.

**Bren POV**

I drove Declan to Chester, to Eileen's friends. We agreed to meet there. Declan was quiet all the way. We didn't speak much. I quess, he was sad to leave, maybe. I didn't want him to leave, either. I decided to make it easier for him and not ask about anything. When I got back to Hollyoaks, I remembered something important.

**Ste POV**

- Okay, guys! This is Nathan, a new member of our staff. Please welcome him. – Cheryl introduced Nathan to everyone – Ok! Enough! Get back to work! – she laughed

I was watching Nathan greeting people. I sighed and get back behind the bar. I didn't know if I was happy to work with him.

- Hey! Ste. – I heard Nathan next to me – Isn't great?I got jb in the same place like you.

- I don't know. You tell me. – I said unconvinced

- What do you mean?

- Look. You're nice and everything…but if we're going to work together it's better to establish some rules, alright? – I turned to him

- Ok.

- Actually, there is only one…What you did earlier, it can't…it can't repeat. - I said

- I told you I'm sorry.

- I know. But working together…complicates things…so I think that's the best solution. Let's keep our distance, yeah? – I tried to explain him

- ...If you say so…I just wanted to tell you that I'm very glad. Not only because I thought I could work with someone I like but also because two weeks ago I lost my previous job. – he finished bitterly and smiled weakly

Then he walked away and I felt like the world biggest prick. He didn't even let me to say sorry. Gosh! What I was thinking about? That he's going to sexually molest me at work? Sometimes I'm so daft.

**Bren POV**

I went to him straight from Chester. I knocked to his door hoping he'll not be there. I was wrong… He was.

- Brendan…

- Joel.

- I was waiting for you. I thought you forgot about… - he started to talk but I punched him in his face before he could finish

Then I punched him again and he fell on the floor. I kicked him in his stomach. I heard him crying.

- Brendan…please..stop. – he was asking me

It was like I'd seen Stephen on the cellar's floor…I stopped for a moment… Only it wasn't Stephen… I could let my anger let go. I kicked him again in his ribs. I was shouting at him to shut up. …. I stopped after a few punches more.

- …You're fine. – I gripped his head in my head - …Yeah..You're okay. – I smiled to him – Joel, listen to me – I made him look at me – …You need to go back home, do you understand? – I asked him stroking his face gently

- …Yeah… - he was looking at me scared

- Good lad. – I said – I'll help you to pack. Sort yourself out, okay? – I was talking to him slowly

- …Yeah…- he answered weakly

I left him on the floor in the kitchen. I went to the bedroom and I started to pack his clothes to the bag.


	18. Chapter 18

**TWO DAYS LATER AT CHEZ CHEZ… **

**Ste POV**

- Hiya!

- Hi! – Nathan asnwered without looking at me

- … - I glanced at him while I was undressing from my jacket

He was sweeping the floor after last night. He was still pretty off with me after what I told him.

- Hey Ste! – Cheryl greeted me leaning on his office frame

- Morning Cheryl! - I smiled at her

- Hello everyone! – Gilly literally ran inside and stood behind the bar – Sorry I'm late! I overslept.

- Oh! – I glanced at him and Cheryl – And why would be that? - I giggled and Cheryl made her most innocent face

The moment was interrupted with Brendan who bursted inside passing me and Nathan by ignoring our presence. When he reached the office door, Cheryl drew his attention to the new employee.

- Brendan, this is Nathan. He's our new bartender. - she said

- Hi. – Brendan answered still completely disinterested standing back to us

Brendan and Cheryl disappeared in the office, me and Gilly started to get on with work. Only Nathan froze for a moment starring at the office door.

- …Isn't he lovely? – he said to us with a smile

I don't know how he did it but it seemed like he was never tired of laughing. "It's catching." I thought as I noticed that Gilly was laughing under his nose. I smiled to Nathan. I started to like him.

**Bren POV**

I was laying on the couch while Cheryl was doing some paperwork.

- I'm done here, Brendan. I need to go home. – she said finally getting up and putting papers in order

- Okay. – I answered opening my eyes – Go and get some rest. I'll stay. – I added.

- Bye. – she said and took her bag from the desk

- Bye Chez.

I stood leaning on the office door with folded arms. My favourite position to watch him. My Stephen. My sweet boy. My little angel.

- Back off! You're drunk and I have no time to waste on you. – I've heard him talking to one of the punters

My…mouthy…cheeky… little angel. I giggled to myself getting inside the office…. I sat to the desk lifting and crossing my legs on it. Leave him alone? I smiled to myself. Impossible. I put out a phone from my pocket.

- …Mike? ... Hello?…How are you, mate? – I asked the routine questions before heading to the point…

**Ste POV**

I was picking up some glasses from the tables when I saw this guy..I knew him…he was with Brendan in the cinema the other day…and now he was here. But why? I fell in my thoughts…and then I saw the club's floor from a very short distance. I didn't know what happened until Nathan helped me to get up. It was one of the punters…young…he overdosed booze tonight, it was obvious so I didn't make a fuss. I had just a bruised elbow. Besides right now I was more interested in Brendan's mate but I couldn't see him anywhere. Nathan was tidying up broken glasses…I stood beside him stroking my elbow.

- Go and take care of the bar, Ste. I'll take care of this mess. – he offered and I just nodded my head

But when I reached the bar I froze. There he was…this guy and Brendan were talking and drinking…I starred at them a bit too long because he caught me up doing this so I turned around quickly. Next I saw them entering the office…I swallowed. I started to sort out the bottles…and glasses and…I sighed..What are they going to do inside? I put one of the bottle a bit too hard on the bar surface…Like if I hadn't known… Of course I knew…from my own experience. …I was so…so jealous!

- What's wrong with you, mate? – Gilly noticed almost broken bottle in my hand

- …I'm fine!…Sorry, I'm alright. One of the punters smashed my back, that's all.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.. – I glanced at the office door - I'm sure, Gilly.

I started to walk to the cellar for some crates when something stopped me…an idea…something to spoil Brendan's evening…I smiled to myself.

- Although, I'm a bit worried, Gilly. – I almost whispered to him

- Worried? Why? – he was cleaninng a glass

- I'm not sure but… I could swear I saw Joel entering Brendan's office. – I tried to sound casually

- What? – Gilly stopped cleaning his glass – Really?

- Like I said I'm not sure… - I started to expalin but he was already on his way to the office

Wow! "Gilly, I love you so much!" I thought looking like he was bursting inside the office. I laughed and I went downstairs for some crates with mixers being in much better mood. Hey I even whistled…Couldn't stop smile to myself.

**Bren POV**

I saw his face when he noticed Mike and me. He was so easy to read…it was so obvious…my little angel was jealous. To add fuel to the flames I invited Mickey to the office. When I closed the door behind us I knew he didn't like it because he almost crashed the bottle in his hand.

- I thought you'd never called me again. – Mike sat on the couch

- Yeah..me too. – I think I sounded too hopefully

- ..Well, then I don't understand why I'm here … - he started to get up ("Damn I really sounded too hopefully")

- No, . – I blocked his way out – ...sit down…please.

- ...Okay.- he sat again - How's Cheryl? I've heard something from Lynsey but…

- She's fine, happy even.

- Yeah, Lynsey told me she's in love. How is your future brother-in-law like? – he asked watching me carefully

- He's …- I was searching the right word - …normal, I quess. – I leant on my desk drinking my whiskey

- Hmm…How about you?

- Oh...I'm not normal. – I and giggled – But it's a family thing so everything's fine. – I answered and he laughed

- ..I didn't mean that, Brendan.

- Oh..What did you mean? – I took another gulp of whiskey

- Are you in love? – he asked seriously

- …- I narrowed my eyes on him – Are you in love?

- ...I was. Once. But it's over now.

- Sorry to hear it.. – I didn't give a shit actually but well..courtesy

- You don't have to. – he got up from office couch and made a few steps towards me – Apparently it wasn't true love…- he was very, very close to me

When I intended to push him away Gilly bursted inside without even knocking. He was angry…then surprised to see us so close…then confused like he hadn't expected what he saw…and he was starring at us…I hated it.

- ...You wanted to meet Cheryl's boyfriend, right? – I said to Mike – Here he is. – I pointed with my free hand at Gilly

Gilly didn't move for a few moments but after that he compostures himself.

- …Errr…I'm Gilly, nice to meet you… - he shook Mike's hand

- …Mike. I'm Mike, Brendan's…mate, but I know Cheryl, too. I'm happy for her that she finally found her second half – he answered and I rolled my eyes

- Sorry gentelmen but a wave of nausea came over me suddenly. – I put my glass on the desk and left them alone

**Ste POV**

I was standing back to the door. The cellar was empty. I was alone. I was trying to take two crates at once when I heard a familiar sound of opening door…I listened without turning around…this excitement in my stomach…I licked my lips…my heart pounded in my chest…I was waiting…

_You're always waiting for me Stephen._

I was waiting …

**Bren POV **

I went outside to take a breathe of fresh air. I was standing there for a while…True love…Second half…Stephen… I wasn't thinking about it when I closed us in the club's cellar that night a year ago…I wasn't thinking at all…I'm the type of guy who does things instead of thinking about them…When I locked the door I knew he was scared. I wanted him to be scared. I wanted to make him feel the whole spectrum of emotions. From fear, despair…confusion, astonishment…excitement, courage, desire…make him want me as much as I wanted him, put him over the edge, make him crazy with desire, make him mine, make him feel the fire inside, make him my personal little angel.

**Ste POV **

I decided to turn around…I saw Nathan. I sighed heavily.

- Hey, Ste! I'll help you with these crates, alright? – he offered

- …Thanks.

**Bren POV**

….So many things has changed…He's not my little angel anymore…Ahhhh…He's the guy I love.

**Ste POV**

We left the club together. Nathan was still very impressed with Brendan's personality.

- He's so gloomy and nasty. He's always like that…? – he asked when we were outside in font of the club

- …Basically…He's got his good moments though. Sometimes. – I finished low

- Nice. I prefer to keep away from him then.

I glanced at him. Why didn't I do exactly the same from the beginning? Why didn't I run away from him? Why didn't I keep my distance when I had a chance? Why didn't I see what kind of man he really is? I don't know…

- Come on, let's go. It's pretty cold. – Nathan embraced me with his arm

**Bren POV **

I was about to come back inside when I saw Stephen. He was leaving with someone…yeah..this new bartender…they looked …I don't know…strange together…


	19. Chapter 19

**THE NEXT MORNING AT STE'S …**

**Ste POV**

I was in the kitchen looking at the window and drinking my coffee. Did he drink his coffee, too? Maybe…Maybe not…

- Hello Ste! – Amy walked in the kitchen – You're up so early?

- I couldn't sleep anyway. – I sat to the table

- What's the matter, Ste? – Amy seemed worried

- …I..lost him – I started to cry

- Who? – she stroked my hair gently – This new guy you met?

- … - I didn't say anything because I was ashamed to tell her

- Oh Ste. – she hugged me – You know you can tell me, right. It's okay.

- …I can't. …- I kept crying in her arms and then she looked me in the eyes and I knew she knew

- Ste…? Did you come back to…Brendan? – she asked me and I nodded

- Ste… - her voice was gentle

- …but I left him…or he left me…I don't know…It's over.

- Again? – she asked almost amused and embraced me again

**A FEW HOURS LATER….**

**Bren POV**

I was sitting at Chez Chez reading my newspaper… I don't know if I was reading it or just starred at it. I heard his steps on the stairs…so I starred at the newspaper even more. I felt like he froze on the last steps but decided to keep going. He went behind the bar and started to sort it out giving me his back. At least I could admire his figure…this slim body of his…his neck…this blond hair…How much I wanted to touch it…Eventually he turned around to me…so I dipped my head.

- You gonna keep avoiding me for the rest of your life? – I asked him starring at the newspaper

- ...Funny. It felt like you were the one who avoided me, recently. – he was calm

- Why you didn't stay yesterday after your shift was over? – I changed the topic

- We broke up, remember? – he was still very calm – Besides… you had a company, yeah? – he turned around again

I checked the stairs and I rounded the bar. I stood behind him.

- Maybe I needed another company? – I whispered to his ear taking a cloth from his hand

- So why you didn't get him? – he said sorting out the bottles and I sighed

- I think he's mad at me.

- Geez. – he made an astonishment face -And why that would be?

- ...I didn't give him what he wanted – I answered keeping my voice low and he put one of the bottles a bit harder on the shelf breathing hard – But I want to give him what he wants NOW…- I whispered kissing the back of his neck and taking his hands in mine and then embracing him with our hands intertwined

- …Stop it…- he asked me weakly

I knew he was mine again.

- …I can't…I can't… - I was kissing his neck and whispering those words to his ears

He stayed calm in my arms letting me kiss him and hug him. His eyes were hardly open. His breathe was shallow. I felt him tremble in my arms…almost crying. I hugged him a bit harder

- Don't .. don't be scared, baby. – I wanted to assure him it was okay, that he was safe with me

Suddenly he turned around to face me. He behaved like a wild beast. He took a grip of my neck really hard and pulled me closer in a deep kiss. He pushed me on the bar kissing me all the time. It was amazing to feel him like this again. We were out of breathe but neither of us wanted to stop. It was like a fever, so hot, he was in fever and he made me feel like I was in fever, too. His left hand unbelted my trousers and soon my cock was in his hand. I loved it. He was kissing me pulling my neck with his right hand while his left hand was jerking me off. After a while he leant his forehead against my cheek so I could feel his hot breathe against my neck. We were moaning, we were in ecstasy…fever…we were in fever that we couldn't put out.

- You like it? – he asked me and leant his forehead against mine – You want me to make you cum? – he continued to torture me with his voice

- …Stephen…- I pulled him for a kiss - …Yes…- I moaned grasping with my left hand on the bar surface behind me

- …I'm turning you on? – he whispered kissing the place behind my ear – Am I? – he repeated his question near it

- Ahhhh…yeah…- I admitted biting on his shoulder to not yell

- Do you want me, Brendan?

- You know I do. – I said sincerely looking in his eyes

He fastened his moves, he deepened our kiss and he made me cum. Afterwards I was almost shaking…so good it felt…I cupped his face with my hand and kissed him…then I slided down over the bar wall…I looked up at him…I was puzzeled…

He wasn't looking at me… he put his right hand on the bar…he was thinking…and then he left me alone without a single word. …I leant my head on the bar wall and I felt that my eyes were wet. I was crying.

**Ste POV**

I left him. I walked away from him. Was it for revange? A bit…yeah…but mostly to make him feel his own medicine, to make him feel the same fire he made me feel…to give him what he desired and took it away…He started it, he started to kiss me, to seduce me…and I defeated him with his own weapon. Now he knows how I felt every time he did it to me.


	20. Chapter 20

**A WEEK LATER AT STE'S…**

**Ste POV**

- Amy, Lee! Are you ready? – I dressed myself and kids and we were only waiting for them

- …yeah…errr…We're ready. – Amy walked out of their room – Lee is putting on his trousers. – she added low looking on the floor

I glanced at her, then at the kids, then in direction of Amy's room and again at her. I decided that it'll be the best if I keep buttoning Leah's coat.

- Alright…done princcess. – I kissed Leah's cheek

- Hurray! – she hugged me like I was her superhero

- Okay, we can go. - Lee finally appeared in hall

- …Right…let's go! – I said after watching him and Amy for a moment

I envied them. A bit…yeah…just a bit….We went together to have an ice-cream with the kids. We decided they deserved it. Besides we couldn't afford any extra surprises every day so we wanted to treat them once in a while. We…me and Amy…and Lee, I quess.

While we were laughing and eating an ice-cream I was surprised to see familiar face…It was Joel. I haven't seen him since our last chat after he was fired. He was watching us, well…actually he was watching me.

- Daddy, can I have another one? I want chocolate one this time…- Leah asked me suddenly pulling on my sleeve

-Of course, sweetheart…- I glanced at her and when I turned again at Joel…he wasn't there anymore

A few hours later when we were walking down our street…I saw him again. He was standing behind the tree. I decided to finish this stupid game.

- …You know what? You go home. I forgot about something…to do in the village. Okay? – I made up an excuse

- Ok. See you. – Amy answered

I waited until they came inside the house and then I rushed towards the trees.

- Alright! What do you do? You're spying on me…or what! – I pushed him

- Maybe…- he said dipping his head – Maybe… I need to talk to you

- I don't have nothing to talk about with you! I don't even know you well…

- But I know you very good. – he said low

- What? – I was genuinely surprised

- Doesn't matter…- he lifted his head and I noticed bruises on his face – I just wanted to give you this.

- …your face… - I mumbled

- Don't worry. It doesn't hurt anymore. Take it. – he put a black PenDrive in my hand

- What is it? – I asked keeping my eyes on his face

- Something you might be interested in…something about Brendan…

- …Then I don't want it.- I said determined after a moment of hesitation – I have nothing to do with him.

- Hmm…Really? – he asked and …I knew he knows about me and Brendan…

- ..Not anymore... – I said firmly - …and I'm not interested in what is on this PenDrive! – I threw it to his feet and walked away from him

**Bren POV**

- Well done! Take it and get lost. – I gave Rhys his money without any enthusiasm

He walked out of my office. I poured myself another glass of whiskey. I sat on my chair looking at the papers but I couldn't concentrate. I took a gulp of my beloved Jameson…I didn't want to run to him, not really…I took a pen in my hand…I'm just not in the mood today, that's all…I threw my pen on the desk and I took the glass again…it felt much better like that…the glass felt nice in my hand…whiskey…hmmm…even better.

- You're drinking again. – suddenly Cheryl's voice interruppted my little "siesta"

- …I was just…

- …drinking without breaks for the whole week. – Cheryl was angry and worried – Why? – she sat on the desk

- You're right. – I looked up at her – I better get back home. – I stood up heading to the doors

- You're doing this again.

- Huh? – I turned around

- Running away.

- Well, I just do what I do best. – I smiled to her bitterly unfolding my arms and the glass with whiskey dropped out of my hand and broke on the floor

– Fuck! – I cursed and Cheryl tried to calm me down – Leave me alone!…Leave me alone Cheryl! – I shouted at her

- How can I? I see you need me.

-...Just go… - I repeated slowly

When se gave up and left I started to clean up the mess I made.

- Need a help? – I heard …Joel's voice

- …hmmm…- I looked up at him – Don't you have enough, Joel? – I stood up in front of him with my hands in my pocekts

- I've got something you want. – he said quickly

- Hmmm…You think so… - I stared at him

- We used to have a nice time together, didn't we? – he said and I just rolled my eyes – We could have it again…- he tried to unbutton my shirt but I gripped his wrists very strong and made him walk backwards until his back smashed on the wall

- Don't do it…ever again..- I whispered into his face

- Why not? I know you need it…and…I know you don't get it. – he surprised me

- ...You don't know a damn thing about me, Joel. – I narrowed my eyes

- Maybe…

- No, not maybe. Surely you don't. – I let him go – Get lost!

- …Okay…- he looked with a challenge in his eyes – You didn't leave me a choice, Brendan…- he mumbled

- What?

- I have no choice…- he stared on the floor like it was the most fascinating thing in the world – I'll have to tell the police what I know about your former club partner's disappearance… - he still looked on the floor

- What did you say? – I grasped his neck with my hand but I managed to calm down after a second - …Yeah…yeah..do it..do it Joel..- I said calmly – You know what is gonna happen then, don't you? – I asked him low

- They'll locked you up…- he didn't look at me

- Yes – I nodded my head – Exactly – I grinned – And when they won't find any proofs against me… - I moved closer my face to his ear – I'll be free. – I made an eye contact with him again – Do you know what I'm gonna do then? – I asked finally

- They won't let you go Brendan… - he said in truely worried tone like he was crazy or something

**Ste POV**

I came inside the club. It was empty. There was nobody there…except…I could hear some voice from the office…no, there were two voices…. "Mike and Brendan?" I thought bitterly….I came closer to the office door…I listened…

- They won't let you go Brendan…

- …Get lost. Now! – that was Brendan's voice but the other…

- They'll have proofs, Brendan…

- I said go away!

- You don't care to spent many years behind the bars? – it was…Joel

- …Do what you want…We'll see who wins?

I almost broke my leg running away to the cellar before they opened the door…When I was there I tried to make sense of what they were talking about. What proofs? Brendan in jail? Why?…What did he do this time? It was clear that Joel was blackmailing Brendan. I didn't know why…Proof…proof…I stroked my head with my hands in desparation…PenDrive…

**Bren POV**

- Hi Chez. – I said when I came back home

She was sitting on the couch and watching telly. She didn't look at me since I came inside.

- Something interesting? – I sat next to her but she didn't respond – ...Look, I know I'm not the best company right now. – I scratched my neck

- ...It hurts when you push me away like that…- she whispered more to herself than to me

- I'm sorry.

- You're always sorry but you keep doing it. – she said and left me alone on the couch in font of TV

She went upstairs. I stayed on the couch. I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

- I'm sorry… - I murmured under my nose

I was alone.


	21. Chapter 21

**THE SAME EVENING AT STE'S STREET…**

**Ste POV**

I was standing in the darkness of the trees so he wouldn't see me. He parked his car and went to his flat. His steps were…don't know…unsteady…I think he was drunk or something. Even better. I waited until he came inside and locked the door…Then I looked around… I put on my leather gloves…I felt uneasy…I didn't do something like that for a long time ago. I needed just about two minutes to break into his car…I quess some things you just can't forget. I made myself comfortable in the seat and started to search a black PenDrive…it wasn't in a case…I tried under my seat….nothing…maybe it wasn't even in the car…maybe he took it with himself….I started to panic…I closed my eyes leaning my head on the back of the seat and I tried to think straight: Where would I hide it if I were him?…I opened my eyes…in front of them I saw a mirror and in the mirror I saw a box…there was a small box on the back of the car…I took it and opened it, fortunately it wasn't locked…some papers, his ID, drive licence, a pocket of condoms and a black PenDrive

- ...Gotta you! – I couldn't remain being quiet

I put everything in perfect order and I left the car…I had a PenDrive in my pocket…I fastened the pace heading to my home when I heard a footsteps…I was dead scared…Joel?..police? I started to walk even faster, but then…

-Nathan! – I screamed when he held my arm suddenly to make me face him

- Ste, it's me! Alright? – he calmed me down

- Yeah…You just scared me. – I tried to control my breathe – Don't do it in the future, ok? – I was still shivering

- Ok..ok…you're right. I was near and I thought that maybe you'd like to hang out?

- Now? Actually I'm knackered, Nathan. Maybe some other time, okay? …If you want I can invite you inside for a cup of tea? – I answered seeing his disappointment

- Oh…I don't want to disturb you.

- You won't. When I'll get back I'm going to have at least two persons to deal with..- I said amused -..one more won't make any difference

- What do you mean?

- You'll see…- I put a key in my door and opened them

And when we walked inside…

- Daddy! – I heard Lucas…

- Daddy!- ..and then his sister

- Now I…understand…- Nathan's face grew pale

- Kids, this is Nathan. Say hello.

- Hello! – they said together

- Leah, Lucas! What are these noises? …Oh, it's you. – Amy noticed me - Oh my God…- and then she noticed Nathan…

- Amy, this is Nathan.

- Hello! I'm Amy – she waved at him

- Amy! Where are you my sweet bear? – we heard Lee's voice and then we saw his naked chest as he stood only in trousers in kitchen doorway

- And this is Lee. – I introduced him to Nathan who stood with his mouth opened when Lee waved at him and ran away to his room, Amy's room..err.. their room

- Lee is my boyfriend. – Amy explained to Nathan and his mouth seemed to open even more

It was a nice evening after all. I mean ater Lee came back to sit with us in the kitchen with his t-shirt on…Yeah…we laughed a lot…Lee was a specialist of unfunny jokes which resulted to be the funniest part.

**THE NEXT DAY IN THE EVENING AT CHEZ CHEZ CHEZ…**

**Bren POV**

I took my favourite glass of whiskey and I wandered around the club watching people. Some lad was quarrelling with his girlfriend in the corner of the room…I took a gulp of whiskey…a girl ran towards toiltets covering her mouth with her hand…I went downstairs…the crowd was dancing…the music was so loud…a couple on the dancefloor, they were hugging and kissing…I sighed and took another gulp…I'll better get back to the office.

**Ste POV**

Me and Nathan were standing behind the bar this evening. There was a lot of work so didn't speak much but I noticed him different.

- Nathan! – Gilly shouted in his direction – The lady's room needs cleaning!

- Okay! – he responded

- I'll help Ste! – Gilly was really okay

Meanwhile I saw Brendan coming back to his office. He didn't look good. Surely he was dead worried. Alcohol didn't help him either…I had a PenDrive in my pocket.

My shift was almost over. I was sweeping the floor and Gilly cleaned the bar. Nathan came back from toilets. That was his third time this evening. He had enough.

- Why it seems that people forget how to use a bathroom when they're not at their houses? – he asked retorically rolling his eyes

Me and Gilly smiled to each other.

- I'm knackered.. – Nathan looked really tired

- Then go, the shift is over, we'll take care of the rest. Right Ste? – Gilly offered

- Sure. – I said

- You don't have to tell me twice. – Nathan ran out of the club in instant

- Okay…I'm done, too. – after a while I heard Gilly

- You don't have to wait for me…Go. – I encouraged him – Cheryl will be thrilled. – I added

- Shut up…and thanks. See you tomorrow

- See you! – I answered

When he left I stopped sweeping. The floor was clean long time ago…

**Bren POV**

KNOCK!KNOCK!

- Come in! - I shouted angry that someone is interrupting me

I opened my eyes as I was sitting on my chair with legs lifted on the desk with my friend-glass in left hand. I licked my lips, I sighed seeing his disapproval look…Stephen…I thought that maybe I had a vision or something…I put the glass on the desk but he still was there watching me. I stretched my arms and put them under my head. I was staring at him afraid that if I start to talk he'll go sooner and I preferred him to go later than sooner…Unfortunately he talked and ruined the perfect silence between us.

- Hiya. – he stood near the door

- ...And now what?

- What what?

- Don't tell me it'll be only nice…

- You tell me, you're an expert of spoiling nice moments, remember? – he sighed heavily - I didn't come to argue with you.

- Interesting. – I said determined to show him my total disinterest

He didn't say anything. He came closer and put a small… thing on my desk…a black PenDrive. I didn't understand so I looked up at him with question in my eyes.

- …Let's say it's a gift…from Joel. – he said simply

I took my legs off from the desk and sit properly. I looked again at the PenDrive…then again at Stephen…proof…proof…

This is the proof. This PenDrive. I scratched the back of my head.

- I don't understand. – I really didn't understand how Stephen would know about any of this but he just shrudded his arms and headed to the door

– Wait! – I rushed from my chair – Thank you for giving me it.

- I didn't give anything to you, Brendan. Anything.- he said firmly looking at me

- I get that. – of course I understood

- Good. – he opened the door

- Stephen! – I stopped him again – Did you watch it? – I dipped my head

- …No. – he turned to me after a few seconds and I nodded

He left me alone in the office. I put a PenDrive in my pocket and left the club as well.


	22. Chapter 22

**TWO HOURS LATER AT CHERYL'S…**

**Bren POV**

Why did he do it? Why? He risked a lot…I'm the one who is supposed to protect him. I'm the one who is…He could get into trouble. Then, why? …I glanced at the black PenDrive on my nightstand as I was laying on the bed…Did he tell the truth? He really didn't watch it?…Ahhh…So many questions I want him to ask but I can't because I have no right. It's difficult. It's hard for me to stop making him the way I'd like to…but it's not completely because I wouldn't do that. I would. The thing is he's changed and he doesn't let me. He doesn't believe me anymore. Surely he thinks I'm a monster…but if that's the case why he did it, why he broke into Joel's car? How did he knew? If he hates me he shouldn't be interested in my life. This makes my head in…

**Ste POV**

I don't know why…I had to do it though. It seemed right for some reason…I want to sleep and forget about it.

**TWO DAYS LATER IN THE MORNING AT CHEZ CHEZ…**

**Ste POV**

I was whiping the bar when I saw Nathan coming in.

- Hi, Ste!

- Hiya. – I replied

He undressed from his jacket. He seemed tensed and I knew why.

- Nathan, are you alright? – I asked putting bottles on the shelves

- …Yeah…- he didn't look at me

- ...Since when you're a kind of guy who doesn't say things straight away? – I was mad at him to behave like that

… - he kept silent

- Is it about my…strange family arrangement? – I was angry and I said I really thought

I knew that having kids at so early age and living with my ex and my ex's boyfriend could totally freak him out. Maybe he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I wished he could tell me this but no…he decided to ignore me instead… If I were him I'd acted the same way. Probably. Having kids is a huge responsibity and it changes any person. It's changed me for sure but not everyone at my age can get that…I liked that Brendan always understood it…Why am I thinking about him? It's Nathan, right?

- What? – he mumbled

- You didn't like it, right? – I insisted

- Cut it out! Fine. You want me to be sincere with you? Fine! – he shouted at me

- Fine! – I shouted and then he kissed me

It was surprisngly rough kiss…different than the other one…also we were alone and that helped me to relax a bit because I actually liked it. He smelt nice, he tasted nice and he was a very good kisser… During the kiss I realized Nathan was really…hot guy and he had a great personality…he laughed a lot, he made me laugh, too… He was kissing me and I considered his qualities? What's wrong with me? I could see only his positive points at that moment…Still he shouldn't have kissed me there…I mean, nowhere.

- I know what you're going to tell me, Ste. – he started to talk after he stopped to kiss me - …that I shouldn't have but I... so I need to…

- You're babbling again…- I mumbled touching my mouth

- …I need to quit the job. – he finished

- What? You don't…

- You told me I can't kiss you again because we work together and the thing is…I want to kiss you again, Ste. Many times.

- …- I couldn't bring myself to respond so I stared at him instead – You realize this sounds…crazy. – I asked eventually

- Maybe but you told me to be upfront with you so I was. – he said and I started to clean the bar surface – I'd love to give it a try, Ste. Just think abou it.

He moved closer to me but I didn't look at him and then he left to the cellar

Thinking…this is the last I want to do. I won't. I don't want to. Couldn't he just shut up? Why did I ask him to be sincere? Who is sincere nowadays anyway? Everyone's laying to get something, to get rid of something…someone or to get someone.

When I returned home I went straight to my room. I lied on my bed staring at the ceiling with my hands under my head. I didn't think. I didn't want to think because even if it was about Nathan it'd ended up with the same …BRENDAN! Sometimes I was asking myself how he can live without me? I mean I knew he loved me..in his way…Wasn't so much easier to to be together even if he was scared? Didn't he know I was scared, too? Dead scared. Still I was ready to try and he was just a coward. I hated him for this. I hated so much as I loved him…

When my phone rang I answered without looking who was it..error..Nathan! I sat down on the bed.

- …Yeah, I hear you. – I said – What's the matter?

- Can we talk?

- Sure. – I replied slowly

- Not like that…Maybe we could meet in the evening? – he asked shyly

- ..Errr…Okay…In TOUrAGE? – I thought that he wanted to meet where we've always met

- Ah – he giggled – I'd like to meet somewhere else. Relish? 7 p.m.?

- It's fine with me. – I said – See you…

- See you. – he sighed

**Bren POV**

I knocked to Joel's door. He opened but hesitated…

- What did you come for? – he asked strangely like he was angry at me

- Can I come in? – I asked coming inside without waiting for his permission

- I quess… You don't want anything from me anymore, right? – he asked bitterly and came to the bedroom

- Not really. – I followed him – What are you doing? - I asked as I noticed twou cases on the bed

- Packing myself.- he answered low

Well, that was a really good news. Fortunately Joel wasn't as stupid as I thought. I exhaled nodding my head.

- You should have done it long time ago. – I folded my arms and leant on the frame door of his bedroom

- When you needed me to get information about Warren you didn't think like that. – he stopped to pack his things – Neither when we fucked. – he started to pack again.

Why did he have to bring it up again? Doesn't he know it meant nothing to me? I thought I made it perfectly clear from the very beginning but maybe I should try harder...

- You should be grateful that I covered you up. - I decided to ignore his comment

- You wanted Warren to dissapear, didn't you wanted him to die? But now I'm the evil in this story?

- No! – I rushed towards him angry but I managed to calm down – I didn't want to kill him. – I said – You kild him. You. Not me. Not like you wanted to make it see for the police. – I said slowly near his face

I noticed that his face has changed in a second.

- I knew it was you. – he said amazed – You stole my PenDrive, didn't you?

- How do you think? – I looked him in the eyes

He rubbed his eyes angirily but then managed to composture himself. He glanced at me nodding his head.

- You're happy, now? – he asked genuinely

- Yeah, I'm quite happy right now. – I grinned

- Really? That's strange..- he starred at me and smiled – or maybe you just don't know.

- Know? Know about what? – I asked glancing at my shoes and he laughed even more

- You don't have any idea, do you? – he moved closer to me ducking his head and I felt confused

- I'll go. Have a nice flight. – I turned around to get out

- Your precious Ste…he's got someone, someone else…not you – he said and I stopped

That couldn't be true. Simply couldn't because...Okay that could be true but...But why Brendan?- I asked myself

- You're laying. – I didn't turned to face him because I didn't want him to see me like that: broken

- Look around you…You might be surprised. You might even regret to reject my offer.

I left as fast as possible his flat. I didn't want to stay there anymore.

**Ste POV **

I had a bubble shower, I used an aftershave and …body cream….:"Is it a date?" I asked myself in front of the mirror.

**TWO HOURS LATER AT RELISH…**

Nathan brought me chocolates (!)…He weared a black suit jacket and a simple t-shirt under it…and he looked…WOW! I had to swallow. I ordered a glass of water, too. Is it a date..?

**Bren POV**

I came back home tired of thinking about the same. Stephen with someone else…? Again? I rolled my eyes. Can't everyone leave this boy alone for a second. Rae, Noah and now…I don't even know who is it. Suddenly I heard a door bell. I went to see who was it.

- Hi Brendan.

- Gilly…Come in. I think Cheryl's not in the house…

- I'm here! – we both turned to see Cheryl

- Wow! – Gilly was impressed with her black short dress (it was obvious he loved her)

- How do I look? – Cheryl asked him

- Turn around. – Gilly took his hand – Wonderful. – he said

I watched them and I don't know…I felt weird… I had to clear my throat with coughing.

- Brendan, maybe you'd like… to come with us? – Cheryl spoke to me for the first time in many days

- Errr…no, I don't want to…

- Come on…- she insisted - …I'm sure you'll feel better with us than here alone…with a glass of whiskey – she added two last words low

- …Fine…but just for a while…then I'll leave you alone. – I answered because I didn't want to make her feel rejected again

- Let's go! – Gilly opened the door

**Ste POV**

It was definitely a date…Chocolates…Thank God he didn't bring flowers…Chocolates were far less incomodating.

- I don't want you to quit your job at Chez Chez, Nathan. Not because of me. We can forget about that kiss and move on.

- It's not because of you – he laughed - it's because of me, I want it. And…- he cupped my hand with his – I have no intention to forget about that kiss…neither the other one…nor about the night we met. – he whispered

I was starring at his eyes drowning in them slowly…

**Bren POV**

We went inside RELISH. We sat down to the table when I saw them…My blood stirred.

- Look Cheryl, Ste's over there.. – I heard Gilly's voice

- Where?…Oh, he's with…Nathan?..Ohhh…I knew he was too sweet. – she said and I glanced at her

Before I knew it I rushed to their table…I heard how Cheryl was trying to stop me…

**Ste POV**

…and then something happened…

- Hello boys! – it was Brendan

- Errr…Good evening boss. We just…- Nathan was surprised as much as me

- What do we have here? – Brendan didn't bother to listen to him and pushed his chest down on the chair - Chocolates? – he took a box and put one chocolate out in order to eat it – Hmmm…delicious…You want a one, Stephen? – he moved a box towards me and I looked at him and then at completely confused Nathan

- Excuse me, Mr Brady but I think…- Nathan was trying to get what was happening there

- You know what? …What's your name? – Brendan turned to Nathan and I folded my arms staring at the table

- Nathan.

- Nathan…I love your name…- Brendan grinned at him eating another chocolate and taking a seat - …You see Nathan, me and Stephen…

- Stop it. – I inerrupted him

- …wow! These chocolates are really good. – he said putting an open box on the table - …as I said Nathan…me and Stephen have a history…

- No! – I tried to stop him

- …looooong history, you know what I mean, right? And I'd aprecciated if you'd leave us alone, Nathan. – he finished taking another chocolate from the box

- Enough! – I stood up and shouted at him

Everyone in Relish was watching us but I didn't care. Enough was seemed to feel very much uncomfortable. He didn't deserve any of it.

- It's better if we'll go, Nathan. – I said

- …yes…I think the same actually – he stood up

We were heading to pay for what we got and Nathan slightly touched my back. Brendan followed us…

- Don't touch him. – I heard Brendan's voice behind us as we were paying

**Bren POV**

He just didn't listen to me…I told him to stop touching Stephen and he didn't. His hand was still on his back while they were paying. Cheryl apeared behind me from nowhere…

- Brendan, calm down and sit with us love, okay? – she asked me and I turned to her but I didn't say anything

And when I turned around again, They weren't there. They were leaving. I ran after them. I saw how Stephen was trying to explain something to… this Nathan and he touched his shoulder. He touched him…he touched him again…he touched him and I asked him to stop it, right?…

- I said, don't touch him! – I shouted at him pushing him on the pavement outside Relish

- Brendan! Stop it! – Cheryl's voice again behind me

- You need to calm down. – Gilly held my arms

They both were talking to me and Stephen helped this... Nathan to get up…

- Are you fine, Nathan? – I heard Stephen's worried voice and I shaked angry

- Oh, come on Stephen…He's alright! I didn't do a damn thing to him! - I shouted

- Let's go, Ste! This guy is mad.. - Nathan offered to.. my Stephen

I saw red. I couldn't stop myself. I hated this guy so much that I could kill him.

- He's not going anywhere with you! – I freed from Gilly's shoulders and punched him in his face

- Stop it! – Stephen held my arm when I was about to punch his fella again – Brendan, look at me. - he asked softly

I took a few steps backwards. It was so nice to hear him talk to me this way again. I dipped my head because I felt ashamed to behave like that, without having any control about it. Like if it wasn't me but someone else. Not me, not Brendan Brady I used to know.

- Look at me. – he asked again and I did it after a while – Go home, please. – he said – Cheryl!

- I'll take care of him. I'm so sorry, Ste. See you tomorrow, yeah? – she glanced at me and Nathan

- Not me. – Nathan sounded detrmined – I quit.

- You expect me to cry for you? If you hadnt I'd have fired you anyway! – I shouted at him but Gilly and Cheryl held me and took me home

**Ste POV**

When I saw him next to our table I knew it meant problems but he actually behaved like a crazy person. I didn't recognize him. Well, partly…I mean this part of anger and beating someone up…What I couldn't understand was why he did it in public. Everyone in Relish saw him in that state. Didn't he care about what people will think? …Doesn't matter, Ste! Instead of thinking about Brendan I should call Nathan…he deserved an explanation. But what kind of explanations I could give him? Actually I didn't owe him anything...He wasn't my boyfriend. I felt sorry for him though.


	23. Chapter 23

**THE NEXT DAY AT CHERYL'S…**

**Bren POV**

I was sitting in the kitchen drinking my coffee.

- Hi…- Cheryl squeezed my shoulder

- Morning sis…- I cupped her hand with mine

- What was all about yesterday, Bren? – she sat in front of me and I rolled my eyes – I thought you and Ste were over, weren't you? Long time ago…- she continued and I turned my head to the side

- You saw him yesterday. He seemed well over me, didn't he? So what are you asking me for, Chez? – I dipped my head

- Yeah, he did…and maybe you should do the same Brendan. Look at me…Do you really want to go on like that?

- …No. – I almost whispered

- Then take it easy. Give yourself time and clear your head, alright? – she stroked my cheek gently – And remember that I'll always be here for you, Brendan. – she smiled to me and I smiled to her

**Ste POV**

- Nathan, it's me. Please call me back. We need to talk. – I recorded a message for Nathan

Then I put my phone on the cabinet next to my bed and went to the kitchen to prepeare breakfast for kids.

**Bren POV**

I decided to take Cheryl's advice. I needed to cool things between me and Stephen and I couldn't do it having him so close every day. I needed some distance...

**Ste POV**

I went to Chez Chez. Cheryl was talking to Gilly about something. I couldn't get it because they were too quiet but when Cheryl went to the office I decided to speak with Gilly.

- Hey Gilly. What's up with Cheryl? Is it about Brendan? – I asked worried

- Yeah…

- What did he do now? – I asked rolling my eyes

- …He left. – Gilly said and I froze sorting out the bar

- What? – I asked weakly

- He left. Today.

- Where? - I couldn't believe it

- Don't know. He didn't tell. All I know is that he left this morning.

**HOURS LATER…**

I finished my shift and came back home…I was sad but I didn't know why. Okay, I knew... Was it because of Brendan? Was it because he left me?…Me? He didn't leave me, he just left. We broke up long time ago… I walked to my room and I noticed my phone on the cabinet. I must have forgotten about it. I had a text from Nathan:" Let's meet in the park today at 4 p.m."

So I went to the park…I sat on the bench and waited for him to appear. When I finally noticed him coming towards me he didn't seem angry but a little dissapointed…

- Hi. - he greeted me low

- Hiya. – I answered and he sat down next to me and the space between us fulfilled with akward silence

- …I wish you had told me, you know…earlier. - he spoke first

- I didn't see a point. – I shrudded my arms – We were just mates.

- I get that you didn't tell me from the very beginning but…later…when I told you…and I kissed you…

- I'm sorry. - I cut him off - I didn't mean for that to happen. I know you don't deserve any of this.

- Can you imagine how I felt? - he asked me

- I didn't want to hurt you… - I looked at him

- You should have told me that you were with someone. You didn't have to tell me about your affair with our boss but at least you could…

- Wait! – I closed and opened my eyes – It's not like that. Me and Brendan…well…it's true…but it's over. We're not together anymore. – I finished low

- …Then why he acted like that yesterday? – he didn't understand

- I don't know. He's got his issues…You noticed it from the first day you met him, didn't you? You said that is better to avoid him. My mistake was that I didn't do that, that's all.

- You regret it?

- …I quess…I don't know. It's in the past now. I don't want to think about it. Besides he left Hollyoaks so there is no point to return to it.

- I get that. Don't worry. I won't mention him again. – he embraced me and we stayed like that saying nothing

I was grateful to Nathan to be with me. I was grateful that he wasn't accusing or judging me. He was a real friend but I knew he wanted something more and I wasn't ready for that. Because I didnt know whether I regretted that I had a aling with my boss. How can I regret to feel what I felt when we were together? Maybe everything most precious in the world has got its price to pay?


	24. Chapter 24

**SIX WEEKS LATER…**

**Ste POV**

I was in my flat looking for my phone. I didn't even know why I was so mad and nervous…It was just a phone…and I had to go to my job. I should have gone already but I couldn't leave without my phone. What was wrong with me? My job was much more important than a stupid phone…

- Ste, you'll be late! – Amy remebered me for the third time this morning

- I know but I can't find my phone and I need it… - I was in despair until I saw Amy in front of me with my phone in her hand

- Why? You're waiting for someone special to call you. – she teased me

- No! – I took my phone from her hand – I just need it, alright? Bye! – I closed the door behind me

**THIRTY MINUTES LATER AT CHEZ CHEZ…**

- Sorry I'm late! – I was shouting running upstairs – I just…- I froze when I eventually reached the top of the stairs.

I saw… Brendan talking to Cheryl. He had a bag in his hand. He..came back….I couldn't stop my heart beating harder and harder in my chest. I slightly opened my mouth from surprise. I licked my lips and I swallowed..My heart still pounded. When they both turned towards me I didn't know how to behave.

- Morning Stephen. – he said calmly – I'll go home unpack myself, yeah? – he said to Cheryl and kissed her in her cheek

He passed me by and just went outside. I stood there numb looking at Cheryl and then on the floor.

- Okay!- she clapped her hands – let's work,yeah! – she said to me and went to her office

- Yeah, let's work. - I mumbled not taking a glance at her

Let's work. Easy to say.

**TWO HOURS LATER AT CHEZ CHEZ …**

I stood behind the bar sorting out the bottles and cleaning the bar surface when he came back to club. Quick steps, sharp moves, white shirt, his usuall gesture to smooth his moustache…he didn't look at me, he went straight to the office...and it hurt me a bit. I'm stupid. I wanted him to stay away from me and now I feel like a betrayed wife. What is wrong with me? Why I can't fall for someone nice and normal? Like Nathan.

**FOUR HOURS LATER AT CHEZ CHEZ…**

- I'm going. Did you see Gilly, Ste? – Cheryl walked out of his office asking about her boyfriend

- Yeah..He said he'll be waiting for you outside – I answered truthfully

- Okay. – she smiled

When she left I looked around. Nobody but me and Brendan at the office...Me and Brendan alone. I shivered. My pulse raced. I glanced at the office door. He was behind them. Brendan was inside. I wanted to go there and kiss the hell out of him but...On the other hand my head was telling me that I'll live to regret it. I was over the edge fighting this temptation to see his face and to listen to his voice. I was desperated. I couldn't stand it any longer. I waited ten minutes and I decided to knock the door.

**Bren POV**

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Suddenly when I finally decided to came out of the office Iąve heard that someone was knocking the door. I kicked myself in my ankle while I was running back to my desk from the door. I knew he would give up eventually...But why it took him so long then? Doesn't matter.

- Come in! - I dipped my head over the papers faking to work to not let him know that I was in pain.

- …Hiya. – he said low and I glanced at him shortly -…I just wanted to ask…- he continued shyly

- What? – I rushed him

- While you've been away Cheryl asked me to sorting out our rota…It's ready. – he moved closer and put the schedule in front of me on the desk

**Ste POV**

He was starring at me with these cold eyes of his and I was …staring at him, too. I couldn't help myself. His eyes were cold but I felt like I was in hell because of them. It was hell and my heaven at once. I missed him so much... Suddenly something inside me screamed to go away and I decided it was the best I could have done. I do missed him…yeah…but I was scared as well. I turned around quickly with every intention to walk away fom him but he was faster.

**Bren POV**

I rounded the desk as fast as I could. He wanted to walk away and I wanted him to stay so much. I wanted him …All that was still so confusing for me. However during my absence I thought a lot about my life and I realized a few things…First, that I wasn't able to live without Stephen…Second, I loved my sons very much….and third, that I didn't want to choose between my kids and Stephen.

- Is that why you came here?…schedule? – I asked him and he turned around and nodded – Really?

- ..Yes. – he whispered

- …then go… - I dared him

- …- he put his hand on the handle - …Why did you behave like that in Relish ? – he asked low

- …Why did you stole PenDrive from Joel's car? – I asked him, too.

- I asked first. – he said mad at me still holding the handle

- …- I was scared but I decided to go on – I missed you, you know – I put my hands in my pockets looking half at him half on the floor

- It's not the answer. – he didn't move

- It's true though…I was thinking a lot about you. – I felt weird to talk to his back

- Stop it! – he let go the handle and turned around completely to face me

- Why? – I asked determined while he looked at me – Hmmm?…Because it's easier when I'm rough with you? – I continued and he ducked his head- Because it's easier to turn me down then? – I closed the space between us slowly.

I put one hand on his waist and the second on his neck to make him look at me.

- …Leave me alone… - he asked weakly but he didn't do anything to free himself from my arms

- No..No, I can't leave you alone, Stephen – I made him walk backwards until his back touched the door - …and you don't want me to leave you alone…- I said in husky voice

- …get off me..- he tried again to fight me

- …and do you know why? Hmmm?…- I smelled his neck closing my eyes

- …shut up…- he said but I felt him shiver

- You know why I acted like that in Relish? – I stroked his cheek but he turned his head to the side – You know why?- I whispered to his ear out of breath – For the same reason why you broke into Joel's car, Stephen.

- And what would that be, Brendan? – he pushed me a bit using all his strenght

- …You can't deny your own feelings, Stephen.

- You don't know what I feel. – he looked at me determined

- …I think I know. – I ducked my head –… I love you…and I think you love me, too.

He stared at me saying nothing.I knew he was fighting with himmself to reject me, to push me away. I had to do something to not let him. I put my hand on the door beside his head moving my body forward against his own. He always liked to feel me like that.

- …what you're doing?.. – he swallowed

- What do you think? – I was seducing him with my voice breathing near his face

- …I don't want to… - he said and I knew he wanted it just as much as I did

- Don't you? – I put my right hand under his t-shirt touching his stomach

- …I can't…- he sighed shivering

**Ste POV**

I felt dizzy…It was so hot there…I couldn't think straight…I couldn't take a breathe…my knees were weak…like if I were sick or something. He caressed my stomach and then his hand wandered on my back and I folded my arms around his shoulders…I missed him so much…He was my man…well, maybe not mine but he was the man I loved. If he wasn't I'd probably be with Nathan by now…I let him kiss me and I kissed him back.

**Bren POV**

I pushed him harder on the door. We kissed. I felt how he sticked his tounge inside my mouth, how our saliva mixed in that kiss. His arms were around my neck. I grasped his t-shirt and pulled it off of him starting to kiss his shoulders, hearing his moans. It was like a music in my ears.

**Ste POV**

When he was kissing my shoulders and chest I unbelted his trousers and he leant his forehead against mine looking at me. He bite on his lips. I knew he wanted me very much…Suddenly he stepped away, undressed from his shirt and threw it on the floor beside my t-shirt. Then he looked at me…he didn't have to tell anything…he just pulled his hand to touch my cheek…it was a warm, nice feeling and I cupped his hand with mine and I came to him so our bodies were close again…He embraced me and I buried my face in the side of his neck. Then he made me kneel with him on the floor and lie on it…under him. I missed being under him…I missed him being inside me…I missed his strong arms, hard body…I couldn't deny that he was still turning me on like noone else…I had our clothes under my head and back…I just let him to lead and he took care of me…

**Bren POV**

Afterwards we were sitting on the floor half-naked. I leant on the desk and he sat between my legs leaning his back and his head against my chest. I intertwined fingers of my right hand with fingers of his left hand across his chest. I was stroking his forehead and hair with my left hand making him grin.

- Where have you been all this time? – he asked finally

- I had to think. – I said kissing the place behind his ear

- Have you seen your kids?

- I needed to be alone. – I put my chin in his hair and he sighed – What do you want me to ask, Stephen?

- …Nothing

- I don't believe you. – I smirked

- It's better like that. Without too many words. – he got up and started to put on his clothes

- …Can't you stay for a while? – I asked disappointed but he avoided my eyes – Stephen.

- It's better to leave it like that, alright? – he said finally and left the office

I put on my trousers, shoes and shirt in record time and I followed him outside. Before I walked out of the club I finished to button my shirt. I ran out after him. He was crossing the street when I reached him.

- Stephen! – I held his arm to stop him

- …please, leave it Brendan. – he turned around

- Five minutes ago we were fine! Did I miss something? – I was completely confused

- I told you it's better to leave it…- he turned his head to the side

- Is it about…- I swallowed –Nathan?

- …no…- he mumbled

- Then what is it? – I shouted into his face and then I noticed he was looking at something behind me…someone. I turned my head.

It was Declan. He stood with Cheryl. They both looked surprised. Maybe Cheryl a bit less than Declan…

- Hi Dad! – he waved at me

- I tried to phone you Brendan but you didn't answer…Declan decided to spent Christmas with us. Isn't lovely? - Cheryl tried to act normally

I couldn't get what was happenining…When I thought that I finally started to sort out my life everything seemed to complicate again…I was looking at Declan in astonishment, then at Stephen. No, not again, please. I can't deal with both of them at once.

- Errr – I rubbed the back of my head – Did your mum agree for this?- I asked walking to him

- Of course she did. Do you think I'd be here if she hadn't? – he smiled oblivious to what his arrive meant to me at this moment

- …Sure, you're right. – I patted his cheek

- Hello Ste! – he greeted Stephen – You're alright?

- …Yeah…Thanks. I have to get back home so…see you …

**Ste POV**

I turned around and started to walk and then I saw Nathan coming to me. I didn't see him for a while. I didn't want to make him wait for something I couldn't give him because I didn't love him. However he never stopped to call me or visit me from time to time. I thought he understood that we can be mates but nothing more. I'd always compare him to Brendan and he deserved more than that. Beside I knew how it is to wait for something that will never happen…Because it won't. Declan is here again and Brendan can't bring himself to tell him the truth. He didn't want me to go but when he saw his son I didn't matter anymore, did I? And it was killing me.

- Ste! I was going to Chez Chez to meet you right now. – Nathan smiled to me

- Well, I'm glad you didn't do this an hour earlier…- I mumbled

- What? – he laughed

- Nothing. Fancy a cup of tea at mine? – I offered and we walked away together

**Bren POV**

When I saw this…Nathan with my Stephen my blood boiled. If a sight could kill this…Nathan would be well dead and six feet under ground. I was starring at them as they were walking away until I felt Cheryl's elbow to my side.

- Is it Ste's boyfriend? – Declan asked making me and Cheryl glance at him at the same time

- No! – I said sharply – Let's go home. – I tried to composture myself

I rushed to the flat leaving Declan and Cheryl followed me.

Declan didn't ask anything more. Cheryl glanced at me with compassion and we came back home.


	25. Chapter 25

**FEW DAYS LATER AT CHEZ CHEZ….**

**Bren POV**

Declan came to stay for awhile, to spent Christmas with me and Cheryl. I was so happy, so glad to see him again. He was like a light of dark days that became a routine. Stephen didn't even acknowledge my existence these days. He worked his shifts and acted as nothing ever happened between us. It hurt. On the other hand I couldn't manage with both of them at the same time: Declan and Stephen, so I accepted his behaviour as it was without making any needless move on him. But how long could I? I wanted be near him and he denied me even that. Whenever I talked in his presence with someone else, he dissapeared immidiately with an excuse to clean the tables, pick up some glasses, whatever. It was one of such situations when I had a conversation with Jacqui and he did it again. He made his way downstairs to the cellar so I finished with Jacqui and followed him making sure noone saw me. I opened the door. He stood back to me busied himself with some crates. I decided to play it cool so I stood next to him looking for God knows what between the bottles.

**Ste POV**

What was he doing here? And why he was searching for a wine if the only alcohol he drinks is whiskey? He is so close…too close. Although he hasn't done anything yet. I mean, he hasn't done a move on me. Then it's fine, right? He can do whatever he wants in his club and in his cellar, but why so near me? Doesn't he know it hurts me? Each time I see him I remember about everything we could have had. I love him and that love is like a fire that hurts me but I can't put it out. It's madness, it's insane and it's wrong. I know. Dear heart, why him?

**Bren POV**

- Didn't know you where here? – I say casually turning a bottle of wine around in my hand. 'Me and wine?' There is no fucking chance he believes me.

**Ste POV**

'Of course I don't believe him…I might be a bit daft but not that much.' I think rolling my eyes off.

**Bren POV**

'Yeah, great, Brendan.' I thought to myself. Okay, let's try something more natural and…normal.

- Wanna hand with those crates? – I threw an innocent question

- Nahh – he mumbles

- I don't think you can handle this by your own? – I insisted

- Ohh…so nice of you, Brendan…Thanks. I can do it by myself.– he makes pouty lips and sounds a bit sarcastic

His lips, those lips of his…I just wanna grab him forcing him to kiss me. He drives me crazy. he drives me mad.

- I'm just trying to have a polite conversation. Why are you so difficult Stephen? – I grasp his arm when he passes me by with crates.

- Get off me. – he dares me with his eyes

I let him go because I didn't want to worse things instead of making them better. But it hurts so much. I'd love to kiss him right there, having him in my arms….just for a few moments, nothing more…just a bit of this sweet, addictive feeling of his lips against mine and his body heat radiating through his t-shirt.

**Ste POV**

I want him but I can't have him. I love him but I can't be with him. Not properly anyway. I need to put some distance between us because if I don't I will be in his bed faster than I think, I know it.

**Bren POV**

At the flat Cheryl, Lynsey and Declan were chatting in the kitchen preparing something to eat. They were in such a good mood. Radio turned on, smiles on their faces. I evied them, I guess. Just a bit. Only a bit.

- I hope that whatever is in this pot…please, tell me there are NOT vegetables. – I pointed first at the pot and then at Deccy

- Don't worry dad. You're not going sleep hungry, alright? – he smiled

- Damn right, I am NOT. – I teased him – You know what? I thought we could go to see some movie tomorrow…You up for it? – I asked him

- Sure.

- Hey, we could get along, too? – Cheryl glanced at me and Deccy hopefully - ..and maybe Gilly?

- Uuuhh – I rolled my eyes – Great! I just wanted to spend some time with my son…- I lifted my hands up looking at the ceiling and pleading God to make it as less painful as possible.

- Oh, come on dad. More persons, more fun, right?…Maybe we could even invite Ste with his boyfriend? What do you think ? – he asked me and I almost choked with air in my throat.

- Ummm…I..I don't know…maybe…I mean he's not his…

- I believe what your dad tries to tell you is that Ste might have some other stuff to do. He's got kids, you know…Isn't it, Bren? – she stroked my shoulders in comfort

- ..Yeah. Excatcly. Kids. – I confirmed.

Declan seemed to understand.

**NEXT DAY IN THE EVENING AT STE'S...**

**Ste POV**

- Wanna go out? – Nathan's voice made me come back to reality

- …What? No, why?

- I don't know. You look like you need something more than watching telly with your mate? – he said carefully observing my reaction. Maybe he's got right…Maybe I needed it. I liked spending time with him like that though. On the couch and eating some snacks. My favourite snacks actually.

- But I don't feel like dancing or…

- That's fine. We can do the same as here but elsewhere, hm?

- Like at the movie…? – I deducted

- Bingo! You're sooo clever when you try. – he teased me. He was always at good mood, I give him that. So we went out.

**Bren POV**

The movie was so boring and noises people around were making so iritaiting…I tried to close my eyes for a while. Declan looked happy anyway. Cheryl was whispering with Gilly. It seemed like only Lynsey accompanied Deccy to follow what was happening onscreen. Suddenly I heard that stupid laugh opposite our row. It was more distracting than any other over there…and so iritating…so incredibly annoying. I opened my eyes and glanced in direction I suspected the source of my headache sat. I was almost opening my mouth to quiet that person but I couldn't…because I realized just before my eyes confirmed it – that was Stephen. Stephen was sitting with his…whoever he is…watching a film at the movie and apparently having fun. So…NICE, isn't ? I thought I was going to threw up right there seeing them together so cosy. Then there IS something between them, right? He lied to me. I can't believe I actually believed him. It was obvious.

- Dad, are you alright? – Declan pushed his elbow to my side getting my full attention

- Yeah, I'm fine. Let's watch it. – I responed

That was why I was here. For my son. To make it up to him for my absence and all that. I needed to focus on Declan. He was the most important now.


	26. Chapter 26

**Before you read the next chapter I wanted to say THANK YOU VERY MUCH to all of you out there who is reading this story. I'm so sorry I haven't update for so long but I've changed my job and I'm working until late now. Anyway, enjoy it! Bye! MARGET20.**

* * *

><p><strong>NEXT DAY AT CHEZ CHEZ…<strong>

**Ste POV**

Brendan, Declan and Cheryl are here talking about Declan's departure. Brendan is noticeably ignoring me all the time. He doesn't even look in my direction when Declan says his goodbye to me. What is it this time? What have I done? All right, that's it. I'm not bothering myself with it now. Or ever. Honestly, I shouldn't care, should I? Then why I do?

- Okay, Deccy. Go home and pack your stuff. I'll be at flat in about an hour, alright?

- Yeah dad. – Declan agreed nodding his head. It seemed he'd love to stay longer.

- Oh, don't worry love. You can visit us whenever you want, ok? – Cheryl tried to cheer him up and then they both left and Brendan dissapeared at the office without second glance at me.

**Bren POV**

I was trying to do as much paperwork as I could in an hour when he burst inside the office without even having decency to knock. Yeah, Stephen…Then he started to talk so fast and so much that I hardly got the sense of it.

- You know what? I'm not working here for my own pleasure, Brendan. And I have no intention to stand your mood's swings every single day for the end of my life! I have better things to do. I just want to live my life, why can't you get it and do the same? – he looked at me with desperation – Just leave me alone! – he finished leaving me completely shocked and confused. I was having mood's swings? Me? What about him? He was the one sleeping with me and then leaving to the other guy, that btw, he said he felt nothing for.

- No, no….- I got up from my chair to go after him – Come back here, Stephen! – I grasped his arm to make him face me – You're not doing it again. This time I'm not the only one to blame you know. You'd love it though, wouldn't you? Well, not this time Mr Perfection! – I screamed into his face

- Huh? What are you talking about? – he asked – Have you gone mad or something?

- Ohhh…don't give me that face, Stephen.

- What?

- I'm so innocent.- I demonstrated him exactly what I meant by pulling my face. – And then you go for a date with another bloke… - I added much quieter.

- I still don't get it. – he asked again staring at me as if I was a crazy person indeed.

- Don't you? Where have you been last night? – I put my hands in my pockets.

- What is it for you? Are you following me now? – he was angry but managed to composture himself

**Ste POV**

I was looking at him. He kept his eyes on the floor and his hands in pockets…and then I realized he was jealous. Because of Nathan and the cinema. Suddenly his behaviour made sense to me.

- Are you jealous? – I asked carefully – Is that it? – I made a step towards him but he didn't tell anything. I thought that maybe I shouldn't have asked him. What for? What that would change between us? I decided to move on, didn't I. Still somehow I craved for him to answer. Then he looked at me and said it…

- What if the answer is…yes? – he almost whispered the last word and looked up at me slowly

- ….Is it? – I teased him a bit

- Stephen…- he said and pulled me into him for the kiss

His voice was so soft, so full of care for me…I've never heard him talking to me me like that. I liked it very much. I wanted him to keep it that way forever. Was it possible though? Me and him like that? I thought it's not but maybe…

**Bren POV**

I had him in my arms again. Responding me like he used to. He caressed my back while I had my palms on both sides of his face. I pushed him to the bar cabinet. Leaning on it, trapped in my arms he couldn't escaped me so I took full advantage of him being like that. The kiss was passionate but more importantly – it gave me calm and peace. We pulled away.

- We shouldn't have Bren… - he tried to persuade me to stop

- Shhhh…it's okay – I leant my forehead to his

- It's not…- he didn't give up shooking his head

- …I don't want us to be apart again, Stephen. – I said.

I forgot that someone was waiting for me…but it was too late now. This voice made it clear to me. I turned to see my son standing in the club door. He held his bag in his hand.

- Dad?

**Ste POV**

I couldn't believe it was happening. Declan saw us together. What's now?

**Bren POV**

- I didn't… I can't… I… - I was trying to say something reasonble but failed. I felt like

I actually couldn't breathe. The world stopped, the time stopped, my life stopped in this particular moment. I pressed my finger to my forehead hoping to say something smart or appropiate but what could I say? That I lied to him all his life? That I lied to his mother, to his brother? To everyone. That I lied even to myself?

- Dad…Can you explain to me this? Dad! – I heard Declan's voice and I knew this time there is no escape, no chance to hide something from him or to lie.


	27. Chapter 27

**I offer my apolgies to everyone out there waiting for this story to continue. This is the next chapter. Also I want to inform you that is going to be just one more chapter of this story. Enjoy guys! Love you.:) Marget20.  
><strong>

**Ste POV**

"You should go and speak with him, now…" I almost whispered to Brendan after Declan ran away from the club. I didn't know how to help so I decided to make it as easier for him as possible. No tears, no moans, not now or ever… He seemed to froze to the spot, he actually didn't move, just stared at the floor.

"I'm sorry for what happened, Bren…but you really have to go and face him, you know."

"I know." He said quietly and nodded.

**Bren POV**

It felt so odd to talk to my son about me and Stephen, about these…things I felt and that I couldn't avoid even if I wanted.

"You're not going to say anything." Declan's voice sounded accusingly. "As usually." He sighed and looked at me the way Stephen used to… long ago. I knew he was dissapointed in me.

"It's not that easy, Deccy." I put my hands into my pockets to feel more comfortable.

"Don't call me that. I'm not a kid anymore!"He was furious at me.

" I know. But still there are things that we can't talk about, not properly anyway." I wanted to make him understand the way I felt in this situation but he wouldn't have any of this.

"Of course we can. You want to see it?…Well, I'm going to tell you what I think about you and then you're going to tell me what we gonna do next." Declan's voice seemed to break down at the end.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him uncertain. I looked up at him for the first time since he saw me with Stephen.

"All my life you were lying to me, to Paddy, to my mum, didn't you?…Didn't you?" I've never seen him like that before. He was scaring me a bit, to be honest. My little baby boy wasn't like that, not my Deccy. I just wanted him to calm down, to talk to me like he used to…before all this happened.

"I quess, you're right. I only wanted to protect you, you and your brother." That was all I got as an explanation for him.

"You left us…That was to protect us, too?" I saw tears in his eyes.

"That was…I left because…because I had to…"

"…because you cheated on my mum! That's why you had to leave, dad! That's the real reason so stop making up excuses. I don't believe you anyway." He was crying now like when he was a child. I moved forward to comfort him but he didn't let me to touch him.

"Don't." He wiped his tears up with his hand. " I want to be alone."

"okay." I dipped my head and he went to my room and locked the door behind him.

**NEXT DAY AT CHERYL'S**

**Bren POV**

Such a long night. Not long enough though. I woke up first. I made a cup of tea for Declan and knocked at the door. I heard a quiet permission to come in. He was sitting on the bed, a lot calmer than yesterday. Thought that was a good sign.

"Here you are." I gave him his tea and he took it. We were sitting like that for a while, he was drinking his tea and I was thinking what to say, how to explain it to make him understand my position.

"Yesterday in the club when I saw you with Ste…" He started but then he didn't know how to end it, I quess.

"We were talking. About serious things, I mean." I said staring at the wall before me.

"What do you mean? Serious things? Like what?" He asked and I knew he wasn't going to let it go just like that. I put my fingers to my forehead and inhaled deep before facing him again.

"You said I've been lying to you all your life. Remember?" I said and he nodded. " I lied because I wanted you to love me. I wanted you and you brother to have this perfect dad. Except I'm not perfect."

"You don't have to be perfect, dad. I love you just the way you are."

"Really?" I snapped but mantained calm against myself. " What do you know about me, Declan? Hmm? What do you know about the man you're looking at?"

"I know…errh.." He stood up disorientanted.

"You know nothing." I stood up, too. " You know what I want you to know, Deccy. And that's fine. That's alright." I patted his arm and left his room. Well, my room actually.

When I was putting kettle on I heard steps on the stairs. It was Cheryl and Lynsey.

"Moring girls. Wanna breakfast?" I asked them offering my service. They glanced at each other laughing.

**A FEW HOURS LATER AT THE CLUB…**

**Ste POV**

I was dead worried all night. Couldn't sleep properly. Yeah, I worried about him, not if he told Declan the truth. I was just worried about him, about how he felt right now. I tried not to, but it was useless to deny it to myself. I was wiping the bar counter when Brendan came in straight into his office, not even looking at me. I glanced at the closed door with a sigh. What could I do to make things better for him? I think if I stay clear of him it'll be just fine. Sad but so true.

**Bren POV**

Declan decided to stay for a day or two longer to cool things down. I was glad. But right now I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. I stayed in my office for the rest of the day doing some paperwork that actually could have waited. I was about to leave when I heard knocking to the door and Stephen came inside. We were watching each other for a while. He crossed his arms and leant on the door. I couldn't stand it anymore. I moved closer and stroked his arm and hand with mine. I dipped my head to smell him and then I felt his arms around my back.

**Ste POV**

I had to hug him, to comfort him. He seemed so tired, so vulnerable. I hid my face into his shoulder. I felt safe. I felt good.

"Are you okay?" I pulled away a bit and stroked his face.

"I don't know." He said soft not looking at me. "It's depends on you, I quess. Am I?" Now he stared at me like a maniac. I dipped my head but he made me look at him with his hand on my jaw and cheek. And when I felt his other hand embracing my shoulders I just melted in his arms letting him do with me whatever he wanted to do.

**Bren POV**

I walked him back and took him against the wall. It was fast, it was satisfying and he was mine again. Then we made it to the couch, but it was somehow uncomfortable so the third round was on the floor on our clothes. When I gave him my last thrusts and laid down on top of him I almost didn't remember my own name.

"That was…intense." Stephen was caressing my back with his hand smiling to me. It always got to me, this smile afterwards. I hid my face in his neck smelling him and just enjoing his closness.

"Did you talk to Declan?" He moved his hand on the back of my head now. Like he was trying to calm me down, to comfort me knownig that wasn't any easy to me.

"Yeah, I did." I said shortly.

"What did you say?" Stephen insisted on me. As usually… I sighed and moved on my side.

"I made him realize I've got my own live." I replied carefully. I didn't know how Stephen was going to react. Was it enough for him? Surprisingly, he didn't say a word. I thought that's a bad sign but then he hugged me and kissed my shoulder. We stayed like that for a while.

**Ste POV**

"I just want you to be fine, Brendan." I whispered into his neck kissing his shoulder. It was true. I didn't want forcing him to do something he wasn't ready to do.

**Bren POV**

"Hmmm…you keep doing like that and I'll be perfectly fine, Stephen." I laughed. For the first time in a long time I was genuinely laughing. There was only one person responisble for that. Stephen.

A few hours later when I came back home Declan was finishing to pack his clothes. I was confused to say the least.

"We agreed you'll be staying untill tomorrow." I said leaning on the door.

"I think there is no need for me to stay any longer. I don't want to disturb." He replied bitterly not even looking at me.

"You don't disturb, Deccy."

"Don't I?" He stilled his moves. "You were right. You've got a live here I'm not a part of." He swallowed so loud I could hear it. "…So, who is, dad?" He asked and stared at the wall before him.

"What?" That was the only thing I manged to say.

"It's Ste. It's got to do with him, I know it." He turned to face me and moved forward. I glanced at the floor nervously.

"You ain't know anything." I said quietly more to myself than to him.

"I know he's gay." He looked me straight in the eye defiantly. I dipped my head and ran my hand through my hair to my neck.

"How?"

"Doesn't matter." He stared at me blankly. Question in his eyes. Uncertain of what is going to happen next.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked low. I knew what he was thinking about.

"What would you were thinking?…I've seen you and him in the club…you weren't just talking, dad." I was staring at the floor first, then I moved towards him. Slowly. Very slowly. Until I got his face in front of mine.

**Ste POV**

Leah and Lucas were eating their supper when I heard Amy and Lee getting back from the restaurant. Lee pulled Amy closer to her and they kissed. They seemed happy.

"Ohh, isn't sweet." I teased them. I wasn't jealous…well, not so much that in the morning.

"Ste, we need to talk to you." Amy had a seriuos face so I started to worry a bit.

"What is it?" I asked curious.

**Bren POV**

"I'm in love with him, Declan." I said to my son that I was in love with another man. I felt good and bad at the same time. His eyes widened and jaw dropped. Then he sat on the bed releasing air from his lungs. He swallowed. Me too. I sat next to him on the bed.

"I know you're dissapointed in me, Declan." I turned my face to his. "I'm sorry…maybe it's better for you to go." I finished and made my way to the kitchen.


End file.
